Hypnotism
by IdiotsApprentice
Summary: When Hawkeye books Mustang a hypnotherapy session, Edward takes it upon himself to bribe the hypnotist. But when the hypnotist goes one step too far, what started out as a joke could turn deadly serious. Rated for language and mild sexual themes.
1. Monday: The Hypnotism

**I Do Not Own Full Metal Alchemist; Hiromu Arakawa Does. However, my three friends and I do own the name Lamby Shaman.

* * *

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Mustang sat in the waiting room for his name to be called. The white-washed walls were just as boring as the beige carpet and the beige chairs lined along the walls except for the one with the door. The room was perfectly silent sans for constant ticking of the clock and the odd rustle of a page turning in someone's book, someone shuffling in their seat every now and then and the gruff coughing and sneezing of one rather large gentleman in the corner who must have had a cold. "At least I'm not alone" he thought and looked to his right and saw Hawkeye frowning somewhere in front of her looking just as bored as he felt. His mind went over just how he had got to where he was now.

_-Flashback-_

_Roy grimaced as he looked over the documents in front of him again. Although he was supposed to have read through the papers and give his confirmation, all he'd really done is gone through and made eyes (at least he'd tell people they were eyes if they asked) or drew female stick figures (complete with tiny mini-skirts) whenever he got to an 'o' or a zero. A shadow fell over him as he looked up to his subordinate who was holding her hand out in front of him expectantly. _

"_The documents please, Sir." Hawkeye asked politely. She hadn't honestly expected Mustang to do any of his work but forced herself to give him one last chance before resorting to the 'final conclusion'. She could easily tell from his hesitation that her prophecy was correct though. _

"_Ah, yes, I just need to sign it all. I did read it though, one second." He went through each individual paper, signing furiously on every line where indicated then handed the papers over. Riza quickly glanced through the papers, ignoring all the doodles and smirked slightly when she got to the third. _

"_Oh, so I'll be seeing you in two days then? I didn't think you'd be too interested in something like this, Sir." Mustang, having not read the documents, was quite confused but he wouldn't let her know that he hadn't read them fully. _

"_Ah, well you underestimate me then Lieutenant. Of course I'd participate in…" Roy hesitated purposely. "Refresh my memory again please." Hawkeye rolled her eyes at his pathetic excuse. _

"_You signed this document" she held up mentioned document "saying that you would attend the Military's sharp shooting contest as a judge in two days. I will be participating also, as expected." Roy growled in frustration. He didn't want to attend but it was too late now._

"_You still have more paperwork to finish, Sir. I suggest you get started." Hawkeye glanced at the remaining paperwork noting how much of it was done (none, of course) and excused herself from her superior's presence. _

_As of lately, Mustang's negligence to his work was becoming more and more of an issue; his attention span abating drastically. So again, it didn't come to much surprise when Hawkeye re-entered Mustang's office and saw that he hadn't added even one pen mark to the papers but was instead taking a nap. _

"_That's it; I've had enough." She sighed exasperatedly and dragged Mustang out of the building, waking him from his slumber with a start. _

_-End of Flashback-_

And that's just how he'd ended up at the Hypnosis clinic where he was now. Apparently, as Hawkeye had told him, Havoc had suggested the clinic after his ex-girlfriend had suggested he give up smoking and that this was the perfect way. Before he went through with it though, she dumped him so he never bothered with it in the end. It was then that Hawkeye had taken the initiative to make an appointment for Mustang and depending on how much paperwork he did today would decide if she cancelled the previously made appointment or if she went through with it. The outcome was inevitable anyway.

"Don't call me small!" Ed shrieked emphatically whilst wrestling his brother who was holding him back from murdering someone, rousing Mustang from his thoughts. He'd had forgotten that Ed and Al had come along.

The two of them had run into Ed and Al on their way to the clinic. "Please, calm down Edward! There's no need for this." Riza rationalised and Ed did calm down.

"Why did you come again, Full Metal?" Questioned Roy leaning forwards so he could see Ed better.

"Because, this whole 'hypnosis' thing sounds like a bunch of crap so I wanted to see it for myself and see these quacks in action." Roy laughed.

"I don't really believe in it myself either." He commented.

"Roy Mustang?" A young woman called. Roy stood up and the woman saw him. "Please make your way to room 3 through those doors." She pointed towards a set of doors and he nodded in confirmation. He looked back at Riza one more time and she nodded at him telling him to go. Roy walked off then Edward jumped up, declaring that he was going to the bathroom and left to 'find the bathrooms'.

* * *

Roy took a seat in the room he was told to go to in front of a man he assumed to be the hypnotist.

"You must be Roy Mustang; I'm Dr. Lamby Shaman."

"Nice to meet you. To be honest, I'm quite sceptical about hypnosis. Really, the only reason I'm here is to prove my subordinate wrong."

"Oh, well you'd be surprised at the outcomes of some of the patients. For instant, my last client, she was terrified of paper and when she left here, she was practically in love with the stuff."

"Trust me, if you got as much paperwork as I do, you'd be frightened of it too." The two gentlemen laughed.

"So why have you been suggested for hypnotherapy?"

"I'm not exactly paying one hundred percent attention to my work recently. I even signed something saying that I'd judge a firearms contest in two days or something. Means I'm going to have to cancel the date I arranged for then." Mustang sighed.

"Well, we should get started then to prevent things like this happening again!" The doctor proposed but was interrupted by an abrupt knocking on the door. "Excuse me for a second." Shaman stood and opened the door upon reaching it. The woman who had previously told Roy which room to go to stood at the threshold of the open door.

"Sorry to interrupt you but someone wants to talk to you. He says it's urgent."

"Thank you. I'm sorry, Mr. Mustang, please wait here and I will be with you momentarily." Lamby left leaving the woman alone with Mustang in the room.

"So, does this hypnosis actually work?" Mustang asked the woman who was taking the seat earlier occupied by Shaman. She nodded eagerly.

"Dr. Shaman is one of the best hypnotists we have on our staff." Mustang still didn't believe them but as he'd stated earlier, he was doing this to prove Hawkeye wrong.

* * *

Ed had wandered around for a few minutes before confronting the woman on the reception. "Excuse me but I really need to speak to the doctor in room 3!" He panted feigning urgency in his voice.

"You mean Dr. Shaman? He's busy with a client at the moment I'm afraid. Can't it wait until he's finished?"

"No! I need to see him right now!" The woman complied and led Ed to the room.

The woman called the doctor out of the room and went in the room herself.

"What do you want?" Shaman sighed irritably but acquired a slightly surprised look when he noticed Ed.

"I understand that you have Colonel Mustang in your room currently. I'm not saying that I actually believe that hypnosis will work, but if it does then I'd like the results to be more… interesting than just paying attention to paperwork." Ed drew five ten-thousand cenz from his pocket. "I'll make it worth your while."

"So you're bribing me with fifty-thousand cenz to screw up his hypnosis?" Lamby pondered this for a second. "Make it a hundred-thousand and you've got yourself a deal."

"Done." Ed accepted and handed the doctor ten of the notes.

Ed and Shaman entered the room just in time to find Mustang lose the staring competition he had been in with the receptionist.

"We'll have to do this again, Roy. Nice meeting you."

"And you." Roy replied as he watched her walk out of the room and noticed Ed as she passed him. "What's Full Metal doing here? I want him out this instant!" Roy demanded folding his arms.

"Don't worry, Mr. Mustang, he's only here to watch." Mustang seemed to ease slightly although still tense.

"Well, he'll just be another witness to show that hypnotherapy doesn't wo-"

"Sleep!" Commanded Shaman and Mustang's body fell limp. Ed was dumbfounded.

"That's it?! Where's the swinging pendulum or the magical chant or something?" Ed rambled and gestured wildly.

"That's all bull." He replied and turned to Mustang. "Mustang? Are you awake?" There was no reply. "Good."

Ed walked up to Roy and started poking the older man hard on the shoulder. "Is he really in a trance?"

"Would the normal Mustang let you poke him like that?"

"…Good point." Ed grinned evilly. "Okay, so how do we do this?"

"Just tell him what to do. Okay Mustang, you will listen and obey anything that we tell you to do once you are out of this trance." Ed didn't waste any time.

"Listen up, Bastard! You will worship the ground that I walk on! You will think that I'm the best thing ever and serve me forever- actually no, that would be annoying. Forget that. Instead, you will spread horrible rumours about yourself; make up deep dark secrets and spread them throughout headquarters."

"You will get overly-emotional at everything." The doctor pitched in. "Cry at almost anything."

"Ooh! Every time you see a mini-skirt you will cower in fear. You will become petrified of them!" Although the doctor didn't quite understand why Ed made that one up, he still felt the need to add more things to the list.

"Gullible. You will believe anything anyone tells you regardless of how stupid or unlikely it is."

"That's a good one!" Ed complimented. "Any time you are confronted with a higher-ranking officer, you will speak like a Neanderthal. Oh, and every time someone says your name, you have to say 'Woof! I'm a dog of the military'. You'll also think your feet stick to the ground when you're walking at random times."

"You will confess feelings of undying love to anyone who you are alone with in a room. Then try and make a move on them." Shaman interrupted. "If they go along with it, jump back and go 'eww!' then try and repeat the process. Be persistent in getting your love across." He suddenly remembered what Roy had told him before he was called out of the room.

"Whenever you hear a bang or a gunshot, you will groan loudly in an orgasmic way, getting louder with each bang." Ed stared at the doctor with a slightly disgusted look on his face.

"I can't think of anything else. Shall we end it there?"

"Okay but one more thing before we do." Lamby leaned forward in his chair. "This will all wear off in one week exactly but during the last hour you will try and kill the person you care most about."

"What?! Isn't that going a bit over the top, doc?" Lamby eyed Ed slyly from the corner of his eyes.

"What's wrong, Ed? I thought you didn't believe in hypnotism. Awake!" Mustang woke up.

"Did it work, Dr. Shaman?" Mustang asked full of hope.

"Only time will tell. Nice meeting you but I'm a very busy man with many other clients. Bye!" Shaman ushered them out of the room quickly and slammed the door in their faces.

Ed glared at the closed door and looked up at Mustang who was looking down at Edward.

"Mustang, I-" Ed started to say but was interrupted by

"Woof! I'm a dog of the military!" Ed cursed under his breath and Mustang's eyes widened. "What did I just say?"

"N-Nothing!" Ed lied and watched Mustang's face turn into a contented one.

"Okay." He shrugged and walked off towards the waiting room.

* * *

Al and Riza had been sitting in a comfortable silence when Al realised that his brother had been gone for quite a long time.

"Brother's been gone for quite a long time. Maybe I should go see if he's okay." Al said and stood. Just as he was about to take a step though, he noticed Mustang walking happily towards the two of them and Ed not too far behind; deep in thought.

"Brother! Where did you go? You weren't causing trouble were you?" Al called as he made his way across the room, clanking with each step.

"Don't be ridiculous, Al!" Ed laughed nervously. "_I can't tell them what I did; they'd kill me for sure; especially since they didn't even sort out the one thing he was sent in for!_" Ed thought to himself.

"How did the hypnosis go?" Riza asked Mustang as she approached him.

"Well, we won't know if it worked until tomorrow." Mustang replied but fell flat on his face at Hawkeye's feet.

"Are you okay?" She asked him and helped him up.

"Someone must have dropped something on the floor there; my feet just stuck to it." Ed gasped and ran back to room 3.

"_If all the things we told him to do are happening then will he really kill someone before this all wears off?"_ Ed threw the door open but found the room empty as if no one had been in it all day. He ran back to the reception, ignoring the cries of 'Brother!' he heard as he ran through the waiting room. Upon reaching the desk, he no longer saw the receptionist he had seen earlier but an older lady who must have been at least in her sixties.

"Where's the young woman that was here earlier?" Ed asked with the same amount of urgency in his voice he had faked earlier.

"I've been the only one on reception, young boy."

"Well where's Dr. Shaman?" The woman frowned.

"We don't have a doctor 'Shaman' in this clinic." The woman replied causing Ed to pale.

"Then who…" He wandered off as Al came up behind him.

"Brother! What's gotten into you?!"

"I'll explain later, Al." Ed turned back to the receptionist. "I need to know one more thing. How long does each spell last and is it reversible?"

"Hypnosis isn't magic." She scoffed in reply. "But in answer to your questions, unless a designated wear-off time is set all hypnosis' is permanent and irreversible."

"Thank you." Ed murmured looking quite forlorn and walked off to reunite with Hawkeye and Mustang.

Envy sat on the roof of the clinic building smirking and watching Ed and Al as they regrouped with Hawkeye and Mustang.

* * *

"This should be interesting, right, Lust?" He looked to his right at mentioned Homunculus.

"Indeed." She replied coldly, looking in the opposite direction. "Seeing how the Full Metal boy handles this situation should be quite a thrill. And as for the Flame Colonel…"

"That's what I'll be most interested in." Envy finished. "And whichever one he gets rid of will just make it easier for us."

* * *

**Edit: MithLuin**** reminded me that the currency of Amestris was in fact cenz, so I changed it above although I think it may be mentioned later on somewhere, I'm just too lazy to go looking for it sorry. I thought that 100k seemed appropriate seeing as in the Manga, Mustang lent Ed 520 Cenz for a phone call but an incredibly overpriced room in episode 9 of the anime cost 200k. I also created the 10,000 Cenz note because if I went by 1k notes, he'd need a hundred of 'em. This currency is taxing to calculate. I hate maths. If there are any other inconsistencies relating to this, please inform me.  
**

**I was going to make Mustang bark like a dog every time he heard a gunshot or a bang etc. but my errm... perverted friend, Jenny, insisted otherwise, didn't you, Jenny? Perverted minds think alike. The name 'Lamby Shaman' is also dedicated to my friends Jenny, Lisa and Marie if any of them actually read this (doubt they'd even know what I was going on about!). I laughed every time I had to write that name.**

**What are the Homunculi planning to do with Ed and Mustang? Are they planning anything at all or are they just a plot convenience. Possibly, I don't know yet…**

**My longest first chapter to any of the stories I've written so far I think. I wasn't really going to give this too much of a plot; there wasn't going to be any of the whole 'kill the person you care about' thing, I'm doing this merely on spontaneity. This is also the longest author's notes I've included. **

**Nothing left to say except for I admire your attention span for being able to read through all of this and please review! Ideas would be helpful too because I have no idea where this is going really. I have a scarce plan i.e. random pieces of text I've written out which I would like to include. Sorry if anyone was offended in this fic. Sorry that the authors notes are so long too.**

**This was hard to pick a genre for. I honestly didn't know how to catagorise it so sorry.**

**Please review and thank you!**


	2. Tuesday: Checking For Symptoms

_Okay, first of all I apologise for the wait- really. I think I owe you all an explanation. _

_First of all, I had important examinations so that included both revising and the actual tests, then I have all my sport activities; basketball team, netball etcetera, then just the other weekend, I had my Real-Care baby, so I had to take care of that. I've also been busy re-watching most of the Full Metal Alchemist series and a few pieces of homework here and there, I'm recently addicted to my DS which I got recently and cello, picking options and options evening, role-playing and then any other time-wasting I've been up to._

_So, yeah… Sorry._

_Also, my friend wasn't very happy about me spelling 'Sha-man' the way I did last chapter; because of the way 'Shaman' is spelled, people pronounce it 'Shar-man' as in 'Shaman King' or something. The 'Shaman' I referred to, I intended to be pronounced 'Sha-man', which is why my friend is… unhappy. So again, sorry. Even as I write this on the 25__th__ of May, I still don't know when it'll be finished. _

_I do not own Full Metal Alchemist or any of the associated characters. ._

* * *

From the clinic, everyone had escorted Mustang back to his apartment at Edwards's request (to Riza and Alphonse's surprise). It was a good job as well because he'd randomly stop walking every so often and struggle to move as if his legs were made of lead. Thankfully though, his apartment hadn't been to far away from the clinic. 

When they saw him in, Ed, Al and Riza all turned away and started walking through the corridors that would lead them to the open streets. They continued in silence until the crisp night air hit any exposed skin sending chills down their spines.

"So, do you think that the hypnosis will work?" Ed asked Hawkeye somewhat nervously.

"I don't think it's likely, but at that point I was desperate to try anything that might have resulted in a positive outcome. So if it does work, that'd be better for all of us." Was her reply as the trio got to the point where they'd have to take different roads. "I'll see you later, boys." The blonde-haired woman waved and took her path.

"Say… Al? Do you think the hypnosis will work?" Ed re-enquired only this time the question was directed at his younger sibling. Al looked over to Ed.

"I'm a bit sceptical but it could work. You never know with these things." Al replied.

"I… I suppose." Ed sighed and continued walking in silence; for he knew that the only way that he would find out was by waiting for tomorrow.

* * *

And so tomorrow eventually came and the diminutive alchemist dragged himself to the Colonel's office that morning with his little brother close behind. He hadn't gotten much sleep the previous night, worried about what he'd done and whether he'd get caught or not, and then what the final command the hypnotist had gave, ergo the usually-astute Edward Elric wasn't as… energetic as usual. 

He allowed himself access to the room, sighing and preparing to receive his usual teasing that the Colonel always bestowed him with whenever in the older man's company, however was surprised when he looked around and realised that Mustang's four subordinates, Hawkeye, Breda, Fuery and Havoc, were all present but Mustang himself was absent.

"Where's the Colonel?" Ed queried. Mustang was usually one of the first to arrive in the office; one of the ways he liked to kiss ass to make his way to the Fuhrer position, or so Ed had deemed it.

"He hasn't arrived yet. It's strange actually; he's usually here by this time." Breda informed, looking at the door as if expecting the Colonel to enter any second, and it just so happened that Mustang then walked through the door as if he wasn't half an hour late.

"You're late, Colonel." Hawkeye pointed out as mentioned military man sauntered through the office.

"Am I? My apologies." He replied as he hung up his coat then sat down in front of his desk.

Everyone began their paperwork sans for Ed and Al who didn't have any and, of course, Mustang.

Mustang was occupying himself by playing with a paperclip and contorting it into as many different shapes as he could, much to the chagrin of Hawkeye.

"Colonel Mustang, I-" Riza began but was cut off mid-sentence.

"Woof! I'm a dog of the military!" He exclaimed zealously gaining the attention of the entire room now. A silence developed, no one really knowing what to say or do for everyone was surprised, to say the least, at the man's outburst- even the man himself! Ed took it upon himself to break this silence however in case someone should dare enquire about Mustang's strange behaviour. Ed pointed an erect finger at the man.

"Ha! You… Win!" Declared Ed, further confusing everyone, including himself.

"I… Win what?" Roy countered.

"The game we were playing!" Ed shouted enthusiastically and turned to face everyone else. "Remember, we were playing that game that whenever someone says your name, you have to say something silly. Remember?"

"Not really…"

"Well we were. You do remember."

Mustang hesitated for a second in thought. "I think I do remember, yes."

To everyone, this reason seemed valid as they turned back to their work.

"Stop playing games and continue your work please, sir." Hawkeye instructed and began her work again. Ed wasn't sure who had been hypnotised into being gullible; Mustang or them?

This gave Ed a thought. He needed to test whether the hypnosis worked or not fully- for all he knew, Mustang could be tricking Ed by just doing everything he was told, but Ed doubted he'd do some of the suggested things lest his reputation get tarnished anyway- so he decided that it would be best to write a list and check off all the things that he told Roy to do.

Edward grabbed a piece of blank paper and a pen from Fuery's desk and dashed out of the room, seeking privacy to write up his list then decided that the men's restroom was probably the best place to go.

He threw open the door and stomped into the room, the pounding of his boots bouncing off of the baby blue walls causing the noise to echo around the room which was devoid of humans. Locking himself in a vacant cubical, he sat on the closed toilet seat and slammed the paper against the cubical wall and positioned his pen, ready to write.

"Okay… Let's see… He barks whenever someone says his name…" Ed jotted this down in his illegible writing and put a tick next to it. "And he's gullible too." Again, he wrote this down and checked it. "Next is…" He began to rack his brain, thinking of some of the symptoms. "Emotional. We made him emotional." He wrote this down. "And…"

After a few minutes, he'd managed to get a list of all the symptoms he had to diagnose Mustang that he could remember saying. "Barking, gullible, emotional, spread rumours about his self, sticky feet, scared of miniskirts…" He chuckled a bit when he said this one then continued reading aloud to himself. "Act like an idiot to higher-ups, and tell people he loves them." He scratched his head. "I can't help but feel that there was one more. But that shouldn't matter too much." Ed decided and went back out to Mustang's office to test the Colonel.

* * *

When he arrived, Mustang had his subordinates gathered around him in one corner of the room, Al nowhere in sight and appeared to be telling them all something very important. "Hey, Colonel?" Ed called upon entering the room getting everyone to turn around to look at him. 

"Ed! You're back just in time!" He lilted and motioned for the younger boy to join them. Ed did so and squeezed in a gap between Havoc and Fuery. "Anyway, as I was saying…" He hushed his tone down into a whisper. "Did you know… that… I had a sex change?"

The room went silent and Mustang mentally slapped himself. _"Why the hell did I say that?!"_ He thought to himself as everyone else stared at him.

"Okay…" Havoc emitted and went back to his seat followed by Breda and Fuery who returned to theirs.

"Sir, please get on with your work and stop making inappropriate comments." Hawkeye scolded and went back to her seat. Ed, on the other hand, placed a tick on his list next to 'rumours'.

"I don't even want to know if that's true or not." He groaned and left the room to wander around headquarters for a while, leaving behind a bemused and embarrassed Mustang.

* * *

When Ed next encountered the Flame Alchemist, it was in the cafeteria at lunch. The mentioned alchemist was sitting on a table on his own with his back to the people queuing for their food, prodding his food with his right hand and shielding his eyes from everyone with his left, his elbow propped up on the table. He didn't look too happy. 

Ed took a seat in front of Roy but he didn't seem to notice the younger man's presence until Ed made it clear by addressing the other man. "Mustang?" The man suddenly perked up.

"Woof! I'm a dog of the military!" He exclaimed then sighed and rested his hand on his head and continued poking at his food again. Ed had forgotten about the whole 'dog of the military' thing but had noticed when Mustang had taken his hand away from his eyes, the man looked as if he were on the verge of crying.

"Is something wrong, Colonel?" Ed enquired and Mustang looked at him tearfully.

"Ed! You're the only one who came to sit next to me! I think everyone else hates me because they all abandoned me and I'm sitting on my own!" The man whimpered and bit his bottom lip as if to stop him from crying.

"Calm down! Look, they don't hate you and they haven't abandoned you! They're just all in the queue still." Ed explained and pointed passed Mustang at his subordinates in the lunch queue. Roy turned around to see that they were, in fact, in the queue and that Havoc was even approaching them with a tray and a plate of food. Havoc put the tray down on the table next to Mustang and sat down. "Sorry about the delay; the queue wouldn't move…" He started but was caught off guard when he was hugged tightly by Roy. "What are you doing?!" He yelled.

"Havoc! I'm so glad you came! I thought no one liked me and that you all didn't want to sit by me but then Ed showed me that you were all in the queue and then you came!" yelled Roy, still clinging onto the man as if he were a beloved childhood toy.

Needless to say, the commotion had been quite a scene and now everyone had stopped their lunch to watch the spectacle at their table. The other subordinates that had been in the queue seemed hesitant to sit at the table and Ed didn't want to stay around too long either. He stood up, walked out of the cafeteria and began to head home, meeting Alphonse on the way out of the building and instructed him to follow.

"Something happen?" Al asked Ed who just shook his head in a vague reply.

"_I suppose that's what it means by 'overly-emotional'."_ Ed thought to himself and made a mental note to cross it off of the list when he got home. He thought it would be best if he left, thought of some ways to perhaps reverse the therapy and try and sort this all out tomorrow when he had more time.

But what Ed didn't know was that tomorrow was the day of the sharp shooting contest.

* * *

_Once again, I'm really sorry for writing this so late and hopefully I shouldn't be this late if I already have ideas. Thank you for reading and waiting and please review!_


	3. Wednesday: The Sharp Shooting Contest

**I do not own Full Metal Alchemist or any associated characters. Chapter rated for one-sided RoyxMaes... sort of because Roy really can't help himself. Also, Wednesday comes in two parts so this is only the first.**

* * *

Wednesday, the day of the sharp shooting contest, finally arrived. Ed hadn't actually thought of an idea but that didn't matter too much for he'd certainly be busy today. Everyone else was in a neutral state of mind but that was only because no one knew just what the climax of the day would hold. 

Mustang's subordinates had each thought that said Colonel was acting rather strangely but they dismissed their thoughts, thinking it was just another one of the man's schemes to get out of paperwork and decided that it was just the hypnotism that hadn't worked. Oh, how wrong they were.

* * *

Ed entered Mustang's office, ready to confront the man again and wasn't too surprised when he discovered that the man was late, once again. He took this opportunity to take the crumpled piece of paper out of his trouser pocket and looked upon the notes he'd jotted down. His eyes glanced every point, checked and unchecked and he totalled the amount. 

"I know there's one more but what is it? Damn it!" he cursed and didn't notice the shadow cast over from behind him.

"What's what?" the blonde haired smoker enquired, surprising the younger boy.

"N… Nothing!" Ed dissuaded, shoving the paper back into his pocket. Havoc seemed content with this response and continued with his previous conversation.

"So he's really going to do it?"

"That is, if he shows up. He's already confirmed it so he can't go back on his word; all the higher-ups will be there expecting him." Hawkeye replied to Havoc's question. Ed, not having listened to what anyone was saying previously was confused as to what they were talking about.

"Doing what?" he asked Hawkeye, who diverted her attention to him.

"The Colonel signed papers saying he would judge the annual sharp shooting contest that's being held later today. Whether he isn't in because he's trying to avoid it or he's just running late, like yesterday is uncertain for now though."

"I see…" Ed said and looked down, deep in thought. He had a feeling that there was something significant about that but couldn't put his finger on it. If it were really that important, it was come to him sooner or later, anyway.

* * *

It was another hour and a half before Mustang finally appeared at the door of his office and fell over the threshold flat onto his face. The man then groaned in pain as he got to his feet and continued on as if nothing was different, like he was used to it by now (and it made sense, what with the amount of times it must have happened within the last two days). Hawkeye wasn't too happy about his late arrival and had she not been preparing to go to the contest which started in fifteen minutes, she would have seriously chastised him. She left the room without a word, leaving all the men behind in the office. 

"So, sir," Breda started, "you're judging this contest, right?" In response, Mustang motioned for him to shut the door and the man moved to do so. Edward meanwhile approached Roy's desk, not entirely sure on what he'd do to try and get him back to normal but he'd still try something.

"Colonel," He started but the slam of the door interrupted him and Mustang moaned. Ed knitted his eyebrows into a frown at his strange behaviour.

"_Why did he… Unless…_

_Oh. No."_

Ed had known since he made the list that he'd missed something off of it and only now had he remembered.

'"_**Whenever you hear a bang or a gunshot, you will groan loudly in an orgasmic way, getting louder with each bang."'**_

"_Gunshot…? Then…_

_Oh. HELL. NO!!!!!"_

Mustang's voice roused Ed from his musings. "Unfortunately so, I have no other choice but to do it. The higher-ups are already expecting me." he finally replied to Breda's earlier question, wearing a despondent look on his face.

"No!" Ed objected, the room falling silent at his outburst. "If you don't want to, you don't have to-"

"But it was through no other fault than his own why he's doing this." a voice retorted from the doorway. Hawkeye gaze cast across the room. "The contest will start soon; all contestants and judges need to be there by now. You'd best hurry." she stated before walking away. The others too collected anything they'd need before they left whilst Ed tried think of a way in which he can stop Mustang from going to the contest.

"You can't go!" Ed exclaimed desperately.

"Why not?" Roy countered, about to stand.

"Because… You're stuck to your seat!" Edward explained, flustered. Mustang sat back down in the chair comfortably and paused, almost as if considering whether what Ed had said was feasible or not. He finally seemed to understand the 'seriousness' of his predicament and began panicking slightly. Squirming and wriggling in his seat, he tried to pull away, but to no avail.

"Will someone _please _help me?!" he growled when he realised no one was even paying him any attention let alone trying to help him escape the clutches of his chair. Ed was smirking and standing back, contented with delaying the Colonel. It was only at the last second that he'd remembered that one of Roy's symptoms was being gullible; and if he had the knowledge, why not use it to his advantage? Unfortunately for Ed though, Havoc heard the desperate man's pleas and paid him the attention he sought for.

"Colonel, you heard the lieutenant, they're waiting for you. I really wouldn't want to upset her especially when so many firearms are available today." The dark eyed man gave him his best 'do-I-look-stupid' look before rolling his eyes, clearly irritated.

"Don't you think I would get up if I could?!" He snapped at the man who returned a puzzled look.

"Something wrong with your chair, sir?" Breda enquired and moved to Mustang's side.

"There must be." he replied tersely. "I can't get up!"

"And you've tried just standing up?"

"There was nothing wrong with your chair before so you should be able to just get out of it as you usually do, right, sir?" Fuery pitched in.

"I suppose." Mustang said and stood up out of his chair. He turned around and looked at the now empty chair when he realised his feat. "Thank god, I thought I was going to be stuck forever!" he cried and flung his arms around Breda who was still next to him. "But now I'm out!" Roy sounded moved to the point of tears.

"That's… good, sir, but shouldn't you be going to the contest now?" Breda was feeling, to say the least, slight uneasy at the closeness between himself and his superior and was trying to get Roy away from him without showing disrespect. Mustang nodded in agreement and released the man from his arms. "You're right. Let's go!" he commanded and began storming over towards the door, only to be held back by Ed.

"No! Don't go!" The young boy shrieked as he latched onto Mustang's sleeve using his automail limb. The uniformed men (sans Mustang) frowned at Edward's unusual persistence to keep the Colonel back; if anything, Ed was usually the one begging the Colonel to go, not stay. It was obvious he was acting too suspiciously, even for someone like Ed, but because they were going to be late arriving, they settled for just prying the boy away and leading Mustang along to the parade grounds where the event was to be held.

* * *

The three men took their superior outside then dispersed, Mustang going to the judges' table, Havoc going to the participants area and Breda and Fuery went to where spectators viewed the contest from. 

Edward joined the soldiers outside, wondering whether it would be best to skip the ordeal or to watch the show when he had the chance. Obviously, this being an once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, he'd decided on the latter despite the chaos that would most likely ensue.

"Colonel Mustang!" the Fuhrer lilted, jovial as ever.

"Woof! I'm a dog of the military!" the man responded just as genially. All the present people stared at him strangely; those people being the Fuhrer, General Hakuro and Brigadier General Grand. The highest ranking of them all suddenly burst into laughter.

"What a great sense of humour!" the man guffawed and clapped in amusement. "Well, shall we get started?" he asked Mustang who grunted harshly in response and took a seat on the end next to the overzealous man.

"Me think that be good." he replied to his suggestion but no one paid attention to him for the ceremony was beginning.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I humbly welcome you to the Annual Central Sharp Shooting competition!" a voice announced over a loudspeaker. Roy looked to the centre of the parade grounds and saw Hughes holding a microphone to his mouth. He was quite surprised that they let him introduce the contest again, what with the ruckus he caused last time. Looked like he'd learnt his lesson however as this time he stood before no oversize canvas covered by a large sheet of tarp.

"For those of you who are attending for the first time," he went on "I will go over the rules." Roy just blanked Hughes out at this point, not really caring even though he didn't have a clue what he was supposed to be judging.

After a few minutes, the Flame Alchemist finally heard Hughes bellow, "Now, without further ado, let the games begin!" indicating it was time for Roy to pay attention again. The gunshots would soon have woken him up anyway.

Ed slapped his forehead. Mustang was so screwed if he'd understood Hughes right; everyone would be shooting at once which meant it wouldn't take long for his volume to increase loud enough for someone to hear. He didn't really have any way of helping the man though; he would just have to watch and make sure no one suspected he was responsible for the Colonel's behaviour which was to come.

Mustang watched as Hughes moved offside of the soldiers of whom were aiming their selected guns to the targets, and stood just beside Roy's seat, nodding at his long-time friend amiably.

"Now, are you ready?!" Hughes rhetorically questioned, preparing the participants.

"Aim…" Edward breath hitched in his throat as he wondered if the situation would take a turn for the worst; gunshots _were_ loud enough to mask Mustang's voice but the judges did all have individual microphones in front of them. Well, he'd soon find out.

"Fire!"

The first shot rang through the air and, of course, triggered a slight moan from the hypnotised man. No one realised however as they were all captivated by the contest. More shots were fired, each one eliciting a loudening groan, to the point where the people around him could clearly hear. Maes, who'd previously had his eyes glued to the contest, watched his friend suspiciously from the corner of his eyes, wondering what the hell the man was doing. Now the contestants had been shooting for a while, some of them even having squandered all of their bullets and waiting for the more patient ones who were taking their time to finish, and two more shots from individual marksmen were enough to cause Mustang to groan loud enough for it to be picked up by the microphone and erupt and echo around the entire parade ground, everyone ceasing their activities to look for the source of the disruption.

"What are you playing at, Flame Alchemist?" Brigadier General Grand questioned sternly. Mustang pouted and shrugged in a primitive manner but didn't get to speak as he was hastily away from the parade grounds by his friend.

* * *

Hughes dragged Mustang back into the building and led him back to the latter's office, slamming the door behind him. The other man moaned once again. 

"What the hell do you think you were doing out there?!" Hughes roared, kind of freaked out by the other's behaviour but thinking it was slightly out of place for Roy.

"I love you." Mustang replied imperturbably.

And he thought he had been freaked out before.

Maes widened his eyes and tensed in shock, thinking he'd just misheard his friend.

"W… What?!"

"I love you, Maes!" Mustang shouted quite loudly and shook himself free of Hughes' grip.

The other man shushed him promptly, fearing that someone would overhear their conversation, though Roy took no heed.

"I've always loved you!" he confessed, moving towards Hughes who was equally taking strides backwards until his back collided with the wooden door. Mustang took this opportunity to put an arm at either side of Maes' head. "And… you love me too, right?" He questioned quietly to the man of whose face was inches apart from Mustang's, and looked as if he were desperately trying to get through the solid door.

"I… I'm… flattered, but I'm already married, remember; to Gracia?"

"Forget about Gracia." Mustang instructed, pushing it one step too far, granting Hughes to place a knife to his neck.

Even through the blindness of his hypnosis, Roy could feel the cold steel of the blade pressed against his neck, daring to turn to the serrated edge in one swift movement, and although Roy feared this sensation, he literally couldn't help but press on in his confession.

"Roy, step back a-"

"Woof! I'm a dog of the military!" declared Roy, interrupting Hughes' flow of speech. Thinking this was particularly odd, he shoved the man away with a gentle push to his chest and put his knife back in his sheath.

"What did you just say, Roy?"

"Woof! I'm a dog of the military!" he repeated, not having much of a choice since he'd said his name again.

Hughes cocked an eyebrow. Roy's behaviour had seemed a little strange since he first saw him today; nothing like the Flame Alchemist he knew. His musings were interrupted however as he noticed the man approaching him again.

"Stay back, Roy!" Maes commanded, once again pointing his knife to his friend as he came closer but again Roy ignored the threat.

"Woof! I'm a dog of the military!" he stated with much exuberance, drawing nearer to the man who was again backed up against the wall. Hughes knew very well he couldn't hurt his friend too much but hopefully threatening to do so would eventually work. That didn't seem to be the case though as Roy got so close that Maes had to bend his arm just so that the other man didn't walk into the knife himself. Cringing and bearing clenched teeth, Maes used all of his strength to keep Roy at bay who was using equal strength to attempt breaking through his defence.

* * *

The contest had come to a halt outside, the audience chatting animatedly about what had just occurred. Hawkeye looked to Havoc who was a few yards away from her, two people between them both. They didn't speak, just nodded and left where they were standing, called for Breda and Fuery and the four of them set off to look for the Colonel. 

Common sense led them to Mustang's office where they were shocked to find both Mustang and Hughes, the latter pinning the former to the wall and holding a knife to his throat and an angry look adorning his face. He must have managed to escape Mustang some time whilst the others were arriving and subdued him just as a precaution. But not knowing of the events prior to what they just walked in on, Mustang's minions got the wrong impression.

"Lieutenant Colonel Hughes, what are you doing?!" Riza asked sternly. Maes released his companion from the wall and stepped back, still holding the knife in his hand.

"I'm doing what I had to!" he defended. "He came onto me!"

The room developed an awkward silence - even Mustang was silent, realising what he'd just done - and everyone stared at him in awe.

"I… I…" Roy didn't know what to say; he tried speaking but each time he opened his mouth, no words came out, his lips flapping like a fish. The thing that shocked everyone most however was the fact that he hadn't denied it!

"He's a married man!" Havoc exclaimed and all eyes fell on him. "And as if it isn't bad enough that you steal _my _women already!"

"I'm really sorry, Maes!" Mustang apologised, finally thinking of something reasonable to say in the situation he was in. "I… I couldn't help it, really!" Maes was hesitant but sighed at him and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, feeling pity for the guy.

"You just kind of scared me, that's all Roy. I do-"

"Woof! I'm a dog of the military!" proclaimed Roy before he clamped his hand over his mouth. He really had no idea why he was acting like he was but he was certain it wasn't any natural cause. "Ex… Excuse me!" he croaked, sounding as if he were on the verge of tears and left the room abruptly.

The five officers watched the door as it slammed behind Mustang and heard a faint moan from the other side before hearing retreating footsteps.

"What was all that about?" Fuery's meek voice enquired.

"I'm not entirely sure, but that certainly isn't the first time I've heard him say that." Hawkeye replied calmly although an eyebrow was raised.

Hughes' eyebrows knitted into a frown. "It isn't? Because he was saying a few times when we were in here also."

"Well," Havoc started, "the first time I heard him say it was yesterday in the office with you guys. Remember, Ed insisted it was some sort of game?"

"Then Edward's probably got something to do with it if he's trying to cover up. If it really were a game, I doubt that the Colonel would keep it up when he's not around. Or even, why would the Colonel engage in a game with Edward in the first place?" commented Breda.

"But that's not the only weird thing he was doing either." All eyes fell on Hughes.

"Come to mention it, his behaviour recently has been a little odd." said Havoc, his speech immediately followed by Fuery's.

"I thought so as well! He's been acting strangely since-"

"-Since the hypnotism." Hawkeye interrupted, finally realising.

The bespectacled man placed his hand to his chin in thought. "Something smells fishy here… I think the person we need to speak to at the moment is Ed." Everyone nodded in agreement and continued speaking amongst themselves trying to get to the bottom of their Colonel's behaviour.

* * *

Meanwhile, Edward stood in the centre of the commotion he'd indirectly invoked and jumped when a hand was laid on his shoulder. 

"It's not my fault!" he defended instantly as the hand pulled him around and he ended up staring up at a seven foot suit of armour.

"What's not your fault, brother?" aforementioned armour enquired. Ed started sweating in panic, trying to think of an excuse but came up empty so opted for the 'lie-like-a-dog' option.

"Nothing, Al!" he insisted nervously. "But I… uh… need to get something from Mustang's office." he fibbed, thinking it was best to track mentioned man lest he get himself into more mischief.

"Okay, perhaps we'll see the Colonel in there too." Al said, causing the older boy to smile wryly at this comment, knowing that was the exact reason the two of them were journeying to the office. "Speaking of, the Colonel was acting really weirdly, don't you think? That is, until Mr. Hughes pulled him away."

Ed snorted. "I couldn't care less about what that bastard does; if he wants to demean himself in public then so be it." he snapped.

"So what are you going to get?" questioned Al, the echo of it ringing around in his armour as they pushed through the crowd towards the edifice. He became rather sceptical of his brother though when he decided not to respond.

Edward entered the office as he so usually did; loudly and abruptly, but was surprised when his theory was proven wrong and the man he sought was not in the room but five other familiar officers were present.

"And speak of the devil…" Havoc said upon Ed's arrival. The young boy could tell by the way they were looking at him that they thought ill of him at the moment and didn't want to stay around to find out why. Anxiously, he backed away from the group in the room, sporting a nervous smile.

"Ah… Perhaps this is a bad time… I'll come back later!" he said and turned on his heels, charging away at full speed. Unfortunately for him however, he didn't get too far as he crashed straight into his iron brother and landed on his backside.

"No, Ed, this is good timing actually. We want to ask you a few questions regarding the Colonel's recent behaviour." Hawkeye said imperturbably, approaching the fallen boy and standing behind him. "You wouldn't happen to know anything about it, would you?"

* * *

**First things first, I'm really sorry this took so long – again – ****BUT**** I have already written the second part to this chapter; it just needs reproofing. The entire thing was around the 6,000 word mark totalling to 11 pages without authors notes though and I didn't want to post what I'd done without editing first. Sorry about that again.**

**The second half will be a direct continuation of this chapter because it was literally cut and pasted into a new document and saved. On the positive side though, I did get a chance to try and make the Royai slideshow I wanted to make and it's currently undergoing construction so hopefully it'll be done in a few days for anyone who's interested coughnoonecough. It'll be put on my Youtube account; username is the same as my penname; IdiotsApprentice. **

**Thank you for waiting and reading!**


	4. Wednesday: Edward's confession

**I do not own Full Metal Alchemist.**

* * *

Her icy tone sent chills down Ed's spine. Through the way she treated the Colonel, Ed knew how ruthless she could be if you got on her bad side and thought it was best to stay and answer rather than run off and be found the next day, dead and with numerous bullet holes in his body. 

And so, Edward and Alphonse joined the group of officers and Edward began his confession, suddenly adopting an unnatural interest in the back of his gloved flesh hand.

"Well… When the Colonel went for his appointment on Monday, I kind of… _persuaded_ the hypnotist to make the effects of the hypnotism more… interesting… by offering him money." Everyone gasped at this news.

"You mean, you _bribed_ the hypnotist?!" Hawkeye asked, her voice sounding angrier than usual, striking fear into Ed's heart. He still tried to cover for himself, however, trying to make himself sound better whenever the chance arose.

"'Bribed' is such an ugly word, don't you think? 'Money-based influencing' sounds much better." he said sheepishly, scratching the back of his head.

It really didn't sound much better.

A harsh sigh was heard amongst the group, coming from Hughes who then took of his glasses and huffed on each lens before using his sleeve to clean it. "At least we know why he's acting this way. Our main focus now should be resolving this problem before he causes even more trouble."

Havoc shrugged. "Well, couldn't we just reverse the hypnosis or cancel it out or something?"

Edward shook his head. "No can do; Al was even with me when I asked the woman on reception if you could cancel it in any way. 'Unless a designated wear-off time is set all hypnosis' is permanent and irreversible.' was what she'd said." Ed sighed in dismay.

"Doesn't mean we still can't try; it doesn't seem as if we have a choice or the Colonel will be like this forever."

"Actually," Ed started after Breda had spoken, "it was specifically said that the hypnosis will wear off after one week."

"Well, can't we just give him the rest of the week off then?" Fuery suggested, to which Ed shook his head again.

"In his current condition, the best thing for the Colonel is if we all kept a close eye on him. You all said that he had been demonstrating strange behaviour since, right?" Havoc, Breda and Fuery looked over to Hughes, probably the worst victim of the hypnosis so far other than Mustang, and the man nodded in conformation, his spectacles once again adorning his face.

"So that means that the commands the doctor and I gave him really are happening." Ed stated, feeling a tinge of guilt at acknowledging his part in this.

The blonde-haired smoker laughed sarcastically. "But knowing the Colonel, this whole thing could be a charade just to get out of paperwork."

"That's what I thought at first," Ed admitted, "but then that wouldn't make any sense. The Colonel-"

"-Would never do anything this drastic which could potentially tarnish his reputation." Hawkeye finished for Ed, which he confirmed to be his line of thinking with a prompt nod.

"I just can't believe that the hypnosis worked, yet didn't have any affect on the amount of paperwork that the Colonel did."

Damn, that was what Ed was trying to avoid testifying about.

"Uh, actually, we kind of… forgot to include that part in the hypnotism. Sorry." Ed apologised quietly. He could see that Hawkeye was starting to get more and more irritated with him but as usual, she kept her composure; the only thing to betray her was the fire in her eyes.

"There is one more thing you should know first…" started Edward, utter seriousness plaguing his voice. "One of the commands that the doctor - not I - gave him… He said that on the last day, an hour before the hypnosis wears off, he'll attempt to kill the person he cares most about."

This caused everyone to draw a sharp intake of breath, Havoc's cigarette even falling from where it sat between his teeth to the floor. It all seemed so surreal; taking another person's life was something the Colonel vowed never to do again, hell, he dedicated his **life** to try and make sure that lives weren't taken for an unjust cause if he could help it. That was the only problem though:

He wouldn't be able to help it, would he? And knowing the Colonel, when he finally snapped out of the hypnosis, he'd blame himself even though he wouldn't have been able to do anything.

His previous displays had provided all with enough proof that the hypnotism was indeed controlling his mind and body but to be under its influence enough to be forced to take a life rendered him no more than a slave to its power.

"_If only the Colonel really were the narcissistic bastard that people always made him out to be…"_ Ed thought silently.

"The one he cares most about?" Hawkeye repeated finally. "And who is that?"

Ed shrugged his shoulders. "We'll find out when Monday arrives. But there's still four more days before then; we still have other symptoms to account for in the meantime."

"Um…" Everyone looked to the suit of armour which had been lingering further back, seemingly wanting to say something for the first time in the conversation. "Sorry to interrupt but where exactly is the Colonel?" The others all blinked, realising that the man had been absent since their conversation started. A pregnant silence befell the room before Havoc sighed in defeat.

"Fine, I'll look for him. You all keep going without me." He offered, picked his cigarette up off of the floor and saluted the higher-ranking persons prior to leaving the room to do as he'd said.

Once gone from the room, the attention was back on Ed who withdrew a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket and straightened it out, reading and explaining its contents to the people in the room, making sure to add his recently discovered effect to the list.

* * *

After checking the military gardens and not finding the man there, Havoc went to the men's restrooms hoping he'd find Mustang there. 

He approached a soldier standing in front of a urinal, doing his business and coughed to get his attention, seeing he was the only person there.

"Um… Excuse me but you wouldn't have happened to see Colonel Mustang in here, have you?"

"Woof! I'm a dog of the military!" a voice from the cubical exclaimed, answering Havoc's question.

"Never mind." he told the soldier and stood by the stall where he'd heard the voice from. "Chief, you in there?" he called, knocking on the cubical door.

"Go away!" a saddened voice retorted.

The upset in his voice made Havoc flinch slightly, concerned for his commanding officer. "Colonel, open the door, it's only me." the blonde haired soldier rationalised. Shuffling was heard before the door was unlocked and swung open slightly. Standing at the door was the Colonel, his eyes red and puffy and his cheeks stained red and damp with what Havoc only presumed were the trails of recently shed tears.

"What's happening to me, Havoc?" he asked in a partially squeaky voice. Havoc only hoped that this was an affect of the hypnosis because seeing the usually stoic Flame Alchemist so distraught was unnerving to him.

"That's what we want to help you find out, sir. But we'll get to the bottom of it, don't you worry." Havoc consoled.

"Really?" the dark eyed man questioned, his voice starting to sound more cheery and hopeful.

Havoc nodded and smiled reassuringly. "You don't have to worry about a thing, chief."

Easily contented, Mustang opened his arms wide and embraced the other man. "Thank you so much, Havoc! I love you so much!" Jean reddened slightly at his commanding officers show of affection and patted his back as a sort of way to return the hug. He didn't know what the other man in the room was thinking at the moment but it sure wouldn't help if a rumour about the two of them started going around. But that wasn't the only thing that made him want to distance himself from Mustang:

"…_he'll attempt to kill the person he cares most about."_

Ed's voice rang through his head; his words as clear as if he were shouting it right down Havoc's ear. It was nothing personal against the colonel, he just didn't want to die before he found a nice girl to be with and hopefully stay in a relationship lasting longer than a few weeks. Hell, he might even try a monogamous marriage one day but that dream wouldn't come true if he stayed too close to the colonel for now.

He pried himself away from the affectionate man with a serious look on his face. "It's only my job, sir; to be loyal and assist whenever the need be. Now we need to return to the office." he said and started towards their destination, Mustang close behind.

* * *

When the blue eyed second lieutenant opened the door, he had his older superior in front of him and held him by his shoulders. "Look who I found!" he grinned with the pride of a mother holding her son returning from his first day of school. The others gave a sigh of relief that Havoc had successfully located Mustang. 

"We should probably test one of them now, Ed." Hughes suggested, Ed nodding in agreement.

"Colonel," Aforesaid man looked at Ed, "Your shoelaces are untied."

Mustang looked down at his feet then back up at Ed. "But I'm not wearing laces."

"And that's why they're untied."

He looked back down again bemusedly. "Then… I don't know how to tie this kind."

This time, Ed was the bemused one. "What kind?"

"The kind without laces." Mustang replied.

"That's easy! Just lick them." Ed told him. Mustang had no hesitation in sitting down on the floor, taking off his boot and licking it until it was all coated in thick mucus.

"Did that work?" he asked Ed once he had licked every square inch on top of the boot. Everyone looked revolted.

"That'll do." Ed turned to the others. "If that doesn't prove he's gullible then I don't know what would."

And thus erased any remaining doubt to anyone who was still sceptical of the hypnotism.

* * *

From then, Havoc, Breda, Fuery and Hughes went to the cafeteria to get some lunch and Hawkeye and Ed stayed in the office with Mustang, insisting she'd be fine without and wasn't hungry anyway. As for Al, he'd gone off somewhere; probably hearing the calling of a stray kitten. 

"So, what other strange behaviour has Roy exhibited?" Hughes asked, raising his voice slightly to drown out the background noise enough for everyone at the table to hear him properly. The other men hesitated in thought for a second.

"Well," started Breda, "other than all of what you've seen, he did tell us all one of his 'secrets'."

Havoc grinned. "Oh, yeah, that's right. The other day he pulled us all in and told us he had a sex change."

"Roy told you he had a sex change?!" Hughes reiterated, perhaps a bit too loudly but hopefully no one would have heard what with all of the noise in the room anyway.

"That's what he said but can't be true… right?" Fuery asked dubiously.

Hughes faltered. "I… don't think he has… but Roy _can _be quite secretive at times. But if he had, I'd have thought he would have told me about it." He picked up a bread roll from off of his plate and took a bite before setting it down again. "But he does seem to always know just how to treat a lady, as if from experience." He added, even making himself doubtful of his friend.

Once they'd finished their food, they headed back for the Colonel's office, Hughes carrying a brown bag containing bread, butter and a knife and a bottle of water for Mustang to have as lunch, although probably not as hearty as Mustang would have had hoped but it was food nonetheless.

They entered the room and Hughes threw the supplies onto Mustang's desk, with mentioned man sitting behind it.

Ed watched as Mustang opened the bag and took a large bite from the bread without even giving a second glace to the condiment or cutlery that accompanied.

"I was thinking about it…" started Ed, looking down at the floor with uncertainty, "and I think we should try anything we can think of to try and counter the hypnosis."

"But you already said that you asked at the clinic and they told you nothing could be done." Breda argued.

"And wasn't it you who said that it 'Doesn't mean we still can't try'? Besides, this is a life-or-death matter and prevention is better than cure, but you can't cure the dead." Ed flinched at the irony in his own words; if only he'd been this wise before trying to cure his mother of the 'illness', then he wouldn't even be in this situation, subsequently. "And that's why we need to do what we can. I'll go to the Central Library and see what I can find then report back tomorrow." Ed knew hoping to find anything relevant would be asking for a miracle but he still had to try; he was the one who participated in amending the hypnosis in the first place so it was mainly his responsibility to tend for the situation. It was times like this he wished there really was a god so that he could pray everything worked out.

After the diminutive alchemist had left and Hughes also returned to his department, Mustang's subordinates finished what little work they had in the first place. Even Roy pitched in and did a few sheets, his limited concentration eventually getting the best of him causing him to fall asleep. And at the end of the day, Hughes even sent Armstrong to carry the sleeping man back to his apartment, saving him from more bruises to his face. As for Hawkeye and the others, they could only hope that Ed would pull through for them and that Monday in particular wouldn't hold the disaster prophesied.

* * *

**As I said before, the only reason this chapter was so quick to be uploaded is because it was the second half of the last chapter which I split into two. As for the next chapter, how long that is depends on 1) How much spare time I can find 2) If I can find some sort of inspiration; I only have part of it thought out 3) When I'm in the mood to write/Don't constantly have writer's block for weeks at a time.**

**I don't really plan for the next chapter to be that long either; certainly not as long as this chapter (or two chapters now) was. Thank you for reading!**


	5. Thursday: The Plan

**So much for it being short! I've had to split it again! Second part only needs typing up so hopefully it'll be done by the end of the weekend.**

**I do not own Full Metal Alchemist.**

* * *

"We went along with your plan and it's already been three days; explain yourself, Envy." a seductive voice ordered. 

Said homunculus just shrugged. "What can I say; I like having my share of fun too."

Lust frowned at his reason, her patience wearing thin and barely restraining herself from threatening the terse homunculus. "There's more to it than that; I know you wouldn't go to all of that trouble _just_ for 'fun'."

"I gave you an answer, what more do you want?"

In an instant, a sharp lance-like nail was at either side of Envy's neck.

"You can't hurt me," he told calmly, "but if you're really that desperate to know, I'll tell you." Envy strode away from Lust and retreated to a nearby table, sat on it and put a bent leg up. Lust waited expectantly for him to begin, retracting her lances.

"I had orders to reduce the numbers in Mustang's squadron," he began but was interrupted by a harsh gasp from Lust. Even Gluttony who was nearby and had overheard this stopped in his process of eating the two bodies of the couple who owned the store they were now squatting in.

"Orders?" Lust repeated. "You mean from--!"

Envy was quick to interrupt. "Yep, from the Big Cheese herself!"

The oversized homunculus now abandoned the mostly devoured bodies and fled over to Lust, clinging desperately to her arm.

"Lust, I'm scared!" he whimpered but his presence was ignored by the cold woman of whom was only interested in what else Envy had to say.

"Anyway, I decided to put some of my skills into practise to get the job done. That's all there is to it."

This time, Lust raised an eyebrow sceptically.

"You know how to perform hypnosis? And exactly how does this accomplish your goal?" she queried.

Envy shrugged. "It was a big thing a few hundred years ago; before your time, Lusty."

"Do not call me 'Lusty'." she spat but Envy paid no attention.

"Only, it became practically extinct as alchemy developed and eventually disregarded from it's category of psychological sciences. It isn't even dignified enough to fall under pseudo-sciences; just 'unheard-of fabrications'. All books became worthless and were burned to clear spaces on bookshelves for alchemy books, not to mention the heat that so many volumes produced; that's why finding a book on it is such a rarity. Though it's understandable that people are so cynical to whether it works or not; there's not really any scientific explanation to how it works and people relied more on the facts more than they relied on their own eyes."

"But how does doing this help you fulfil your orders?"

A malicious grin spread across Envy's face. "It's simple really. Mustang's going to kill someone at the end of this and chances are that it's going to be one of his oh-so-loyal subordinates. Now, if what Pride reports to us about the guy is correct, this'll tear him up on the inside and that'll just make it easier for us to finish him- hell, he might even kill himself and we won't have to do a damn thing!"

Lust was impressed by his plan but there was still one thing that she couldn't fathom. "Just why does our master want the Colonel and his group eliminated?"

"Beats me;" Envy commented, "the most logical reason I can think of though is that they'd just be another hindrance to our plan and it's better getting rid of them now than later. I'm just glad that the Full Metal Shorty made it this easy for me to do! I'll have to give him my thanks!" and with that, Envy left.

* * *

When Ed finally arrived at Mustang's office Thursday morning, he was later than usual by at least an hour, but was still surprised to see that the colonel was actually there by that time. Ed watched as the man approached him, curious to what he wanted but frowned when he went through the door the blonde had just entered from without so much as a 'hello'. 

"Where's he off to?" Ed asked curiously.

"He has a duty to fulfil; he's got to collect some documentation for a new case that's just opened from Investigations." Hawkeye informed.

The blonde boy knitted his brows. "Are you sure it's okay to let him go on his own? What if--"

Hawkeye interrupted when she spoke again. "As long as nothing triggers any of the affects of the hypnosis, he should be his normal self."

"His normal self, huh? Then, how do you know that he's even going to stay focused on the task? I mean, he does have the attention span of a rodent."

Riza smiled kindly at Ed. "I wouldn't worry too much; the colonel seems to work better when he's moving about rather than cooped up in an office slaving over paperwork. And if anything should happen, Lieutenant Colonel Hughes is in the department too, so he can deal with him. You seem to be concerned for the colonel's wellbeing, Edward." she commented, causing Ed to blush.

"N-no way! I just don't want anyone else to get hurt by that bastard when it's partially my fault, that's all!"

"Well, it's a bit too late for that line of thinking now, wouldn't you say?" Havoc criticized, butting into their conversation. Edward flinched at his words, realising just how right he was, but shirked off his guilt.

"So, you really trust in him that much?" Ed asked once more, sceptical to the adults faith in their superior.

"Even if we didn't, it's not like we had a choice. We have our own work that needs to get completed as well." And as if feeling the need to prove his point, Breda lifted up a pile of papers from his desk for Ed to see. "So all we can really do now is hope that the colonel doesn't fall over too many times and that not too many doors will slam with him around."

"More importantly, how did your research go? Find any useful information?" Ed sighed heavily at Hawkeye's question.

"That's the thing; Al and I were up late last night going to practically every bookshop and library in Central to try and find anything that could help. Even now Al's still out scouring shelves for anything of minute relevance. This is all we've managed to find so far:" His hand came from behind his back and he held out in front of him a bright yellow book, decorated with cartoons and swirly lettering in green which read 'Hypnosis for Dummies: The Rulebook' under a thin sheet of dust, indicating just how long the book had gone unknown or forgotten to the person who previously possessed it.

No one exactly took the book seriously at first, hoping that it was some sort of joke on Ed's part and that he'd honestly found something at least a bit less… _childish_, but the look on the petite alchemist's face betrayed not his words.

"That's not the worst of it though…" Ed said ominously and flicked the book open to the first page which, although worn and an off-white hue, also had the book's front cover printed in just black and white, making it slightly easier to take it seriously without the bold colours- only _slightly_ easier. He continued onto the next page which was just as discoloured and tattered as the last but the writing was different. Rather, on this page, there was a large '1' at the top in bold and underneath in a similar font to the writing on the cover was written the first rule of the book: 'ALWAYS REMEMBER! No hypnotism can be undone so be careful what you wish for!'

The other officers paled as they read the rule twice and thrice through, as if thinking that if they read it enough times, it would change and say something that could benefit their situation. And as of course, such actions were merely wishful thinking.

"I didn't bother reading the rest after that; I figured it wouldn't make any difference anyway." Ed admitted and closed the book, deciding they'd had enough time to read the displayed page.

Hawkeye halted him as he was about to set the book down. "May I see that book, Edward?" she requested and he nodded before walking over to her desk and handing over the book. Her eyes studied the ridiculously bold and flamboyant cover once more before she made a start on going through the entire book.

"So, what do we do now? I don't suppose anyone else has anymore suggestions, do they?" queried Ed, already knowing the answer and the other three men shaking their heads confirmed it.

"Figures. Well… There is only more solution I can think of… It's not exactly ethical but it would seem to be the only other alternative…"

The room fell silent except for the murmurs of military staff that passed the door which leaked through the solid wood and the buzzing of a fly which had somehow managed to get into the room. But even these two noises subsided; the officers soon far away enough so they were unable to be heard from those in Mustang's office, and the fly settling on a surface as if sensing the anxiety in the room.

"Like I said," Ed started after some time, "it isn't the most ethical of solutions and it only counts as a hypothetical, but the way I see it… the only way to stop Mustang before he kills someone… is to kill him first."

The hissing of the sharp draws of breath made by the soldiers at Ed's suggestion followed immediately, their initial shocked expressions becoming merged with outraged ones too.

"There is no way anyone is even laying a finger on the colonel!" Hawkeye exclaimed, louring.

"I understand that! I know that doing something like that to him is out of the question which is why I said it was a hypothetical resolution." Ed defended and everyone seemed to mollify. Riza's attention diverted back to the book and the near silence in the room picked up again, only flawed by the excited buzzing of the fly as it flew around the room.

Ed then left headquarters to try and find Al in case he'd found anything, otherwise to tell him not to bother and give up searching. Mustang's subordinates were still doing their work, except Hawkeye who was making her way through the book, and Mustang himself was still in Investigations, hopefully not getting himself into any trouble.

* * *

It was ten minutes before lunch when Ed and Al returned back to the office, both with a forlorn expression- or at least as much as a suit of armour could muster, in Al's case, which really wasn't much, but the way he hung his head forward and his gaze was fixed on the ground told that he wasn't much more jovial than his brother. His hands were clamped together in front of him and his fingers interlocked although they wiggled around as he fidgeted nervously. 

"I'm sorry, I couldn't find anything else other than what brother has already shown you." He apologised but the warm smile everyone gave him after told him that they weren't angry.

"It's alright, Alphonse. Thank you for searching so hard in the first place." Hawkeye thanked and Al became more relaxed.

* * *

It was a few minutes later when a sharp gasp from Hawkeye gained her the attention of the other persons in the room. 

"Lieutenant, what's wrong?" Ed asked as he watched the woman, noticing how her eyes flickered over the book on her desk, repeating the same pattern indicating she was rereading whatever caused her to become so surprised. Then a smile of what could only be described as achievement came to her features as she stood.

"I think I've found something that may just be able to help us." she announced and picked up the book to read from it.

"'Ninety-six: The situation has to be right. Regardless of any command, if the opportunity for the 'Hypnotee' to perform a command does not arrive and the set time of the hypnotism runs out first, then the effect will be made redundant and won't occur.' That's exactly what we need." 

"Oh, I see," said Fuery, "if we can stop the colonel from killing whoever he tries to, and the hour runs out, the hypnosis will wear off without anyone getting hurt."

"There are only two problems with that though: we don't know who the colonel will target and even if we did, keeping any killer at bay is easier said than done. And under the control of the hypnosis, my guess would be that he's willing to go to any lengths to get the job done." countered Breda.

Ed nodded but an idea came to him suddenly. "What if we sent whoever he's going to go after away somewhere?"

This time it was Havoc to argue with the suggestion. "Possibly, but I doubt that Mustang would care that much about someone if they abandoned him; I know I sure as hell wouldn't." He removed the unlit cigarette from his mouth and rolled it back and forth along his fingertips. "The most we could do for whoever he goes after without the target changing would be to protect them ourselves."

Ed nodded again. "It seems that's the only thing we can do. Problem is how are we going to know who his target is?"

"What if we gave him a target?" the blonde woman suggested. No one seemed to be on the same page as she though, as the blank expressions from everyone else told her, so she elaborated. "One of us could get as close to the colonel as possible so that we know exactly who he's going to go after. This way, the rest of us will know who to protect."

"But what if we fail at protecting that person? It's potentially sacrificing a life!" Ed opposed.

"Well it's a sacrifice one of us is going to have to make… One _I'll _make if no one else is willing to."

"...Well I think Ed should be the one to do it."

"What?! Why me?!" Ed shouted mortifiedly to Breda's suggestion.

"Because out of us, it's mostly your fault he's like this in the first place."

"No way! I'd rather die than get close to that bastard!"

"Chances are that'll be the end result of it anyway. Nonetheless though, it'd seem that Ed is reluctant to do this." the stout man commented. No one else was exactly jumping to the opportunity either which left only one candidate.

"Are you sure you're willing to do this, Riza?" Havoc asked, abandoning all protocol in his surprise at her scheme. She didn't seem to notice though and replied to his question.

"I swore I'd do all I can to protect the colonel, be it from attacking enemies, higher-ups, himself or hypnoses gone wrong." The last one sounded rather out of place but she disregarded the oddity.

"But anyway, it's lunch now which means the colonel could come back any time soon after. Lieutenant Havoc, could you go through his planner and cancel any dates of his for the next week?"

There was a slight glint in his eye when he heard his task and saluted promptly. "With pleasure, sir!"

* * *

Mustang's subordinates went to lunch after that, except for Havoc who was still doing what Hawkeye asked of him. Ed and Al accompanied them too, Al only getting food because he knew Ed would gladly have seconds. 

The lunch hall filled up quite quickly, so by the time they'd all received their lunches, there was only one table large enough to accommodate the group of six vacant, including Havoc who would be joining them sooner or later.

They made a beeline for the table before someone else had an opportunity to get it, but they noticed that the group of soldiers sitting at the next table were watching them as they walked past and seated themselves. One brown-haired woman on the mentioned table finally turned back around to speak to another woman seated beside her.

"All of them?!" she was apparently trying to whisper her question but found it hard controlling the volume of her voice from her shock. The one she spoke to nodded.

"I don't know about the blonde boy or the person in the armour but I definitely know about the three in uniform, or at least I've heard." she responded, also seeming to have the same difficulty as her friend. A bespectacled man sitting opposite the two leaned forward to speak.

"Shush! Don't make it obvious you're talking about them!" he chided and they all glanced back at the table of people they were conversing about but quickly turned back again when they realised that they were receiving glares in return.

"They can't be talking about us, right?" Fuery asked in his usual meek tone.

"I dunno," Breda answered, "but I have a pretty strong hunch that they are. Only question is: why?"

Hawkeye's shoulders seemed to sag and she spoke wearily. "Do you know which department those soldiers work in?" she questioned exasperatedly.

Only Ed seemed to want a guess. "Let me guess: Investigations?"

"Right as ever, Edward."

"You don't suppose… the colonel had anything to do with this, do you?" enquired Breda, fearing so.

"There's the possibility of that. Our best bet is to ask Hughes when we next see him." Hawkeye sighed. "It would seem that us hoping that the colonel wouldn't cause any trouble was asking for too much."

Before she could say any more, the sudden animated chatting of the Investigations table caught her attention, along with the others'.

"Isn't that the one?!" the brunette asked, tapping the shoulder of her friend rapidly to gain her attention. Whatever she was fussing about though, her friend seemed to have noticed it, nodding in answer to her friend's question but still gawping.

"Yeah, that's the one. I've never seen one of _them_ before. I don't think I have, at least. They did a pretty good job of it though, wouldn't you say?" she replied and got a nod in response.

Havoc looked around holding his lunch tray then started walking towards Hawkeye and company when he sighted them. The eyes of the other two women followed him as he walked along, not diverting once.

"Hey, guys, thanks for saving me a spot." he thanked as he took the last seat available at the table. He picked up the bread roll that sat on his plate and raised it to is mouth, but hesitated upon noticing the two women on the other table blatantly staring at him. Blaming the reason of him catching the attention of the two attractive females on his 'devilish good looks', he put the roll back onto his plate and flashed a smile at the pair, even going as far as sending both a playful wink. It didn't have the affect he'd hoped for though. The two of them shuddered and got up quickly, deciding to end their lunch and the rest of their table followed.

"They left." Al pointed out and Fuery sighed relievedly.

"Thank goodness, I was starting to get paranoid."

"I wonder what they meant then they were talking about you guys… and especially Lieutenant Havoc; they seemed to be… almost intrigued by him. I can't imagine why."

Jean's jaw dropped at the way Ed spoke about him, but he didn't really know exactly what was going on so he dropped it and started eating after taking his cigarette from his mouth.

The table ate in silence after that, not counting the scoffing noises made by the gluttonous state alchemist. Once they'd all finished, they went back to the office with the exception of Al who went off hunting for strays.

* * *

When they returned to the office, Riza finished the book and started on her paperwork, going through it at quite a speedy pace. The others, having completed their own earlier or just not having any to begin with, in Ed's instance, were all sat down chatting idly amongst themselves. 

"And what did you say to He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Mentioned's dates?" Breda questioned Havoc. They'd all come to the unanimous decision of not speaking Mustang's name unless it was absolutely necessary, to save the colonel the embarrassment if he were around.

"He had seven of them; one for each night! And _all_ of them said no to me when I asked if they wanted me to go in his place, either saying they had to 'wash their hair that night' or 'not even if I were the last man on the planet'." he replied, sighing dishearteningly then sulked whilst the others laughed at him.

All laughter soon ceased though when the door opened and Mustang stood at the threshold.

"He's back." Ed announced ominously in little more than a whisper, and they all looked to Hawkeye to see whether she was willing to go along with the plan or delegate. She held her breath and was staring at the dark-haired man for some time whilst conflict raged on inside of her until she finally made decision of whether to sacrifice someone else's life or sacrifice her reputation and even possibly herself.

Finally, she exhaled heavily and closed her eyes as she made her decision.

* * *

**I thought it was better to mention this after you finished rather than before:**

**If the chapter seems a bit 'off', I apologise. See, when I'm writing fanfictions, I type up notes, dialogue I want to insert, the time line and anything else important on a separate word document on my laptop. However, stupid me decided not to make sure I had a back-up copy of said notes anywhere else except on my laptop so when I was preparing to write this chapter (ironically, I was organising the notes into chronological order so it would be easier for me to follow and include whatever I needed), my laptop battery died...**

**...For good. **

**So now, I have to wait until I get back to school (tomorrow, but I started writing this chapter weeks ago) until I can get a new battery from them which means no notes; I'm trying to remember as much of what I wrote as possible but it's no easy feat with my memory. So if the consistency of this chapter seems a little less than... thick, I'm sorry. I may edit it again once I get my laptop back and look through my notes, it should only be minor edits but edits nonetheless, otherwise I may deem it as fine or be able to work in some things I missed off into future chapters.**

**Another thing, when chapter after the next will come, I don't know, I'm afraid. I won't start writing it until I check through my notes (damn them for being so crucial!) but the next two or so years are going to be really important in my school life so I'm going to have to really focus there as well. I'll try and make as much time for it as possible though.**

**And last but not least, anyone who _is_ interested, I finished my Royai slideshow and put it onto YouTube. :3**

** Thank you for reading.  
**


	6. Thursday: A Change Of Nature

**I do not own Full Metal Alchemist.**

* * *

Even though her decision had ultimately been decided, Riza hesitated for another fraction of a second before finally forcing her words out. 

"Welcome back, sir!" she lilted with great exuberance and grinned amiably at Mustang. The others gaped in awe at her instant personality change, not even knowing that the woman could act so jovial. It was slightly unsettling and even Roy seemed to be taken aback, his eyes widening in surprise.

"Are you… feeling well, Lieutenant?" he asked concernedly, somewhat disbelieving of her act. Hawkeye's eyebrow twitched slightly.

"_Is it really that hard for them to believe I'm acting so nice? All I did was greet him and I get the third degree for it!"_ she thought feeling slightly offended but abandoned her anger when she realised she had yet to answer his question.

"Peachy keen, Colonel! Thank you for asking!" she answered then giggled. Yes, giggled, of which Havoc had a hard time stifling his own.

"Did she just say 'peachy keen'?" he asked and would have burst out laughing had it not been for a kick to his shin by Ed's automail foot and he yelped in pain instead.

Mustang however was satisfied with her answer and nodded happily before strolling over to his desk. He laid a large pile of papers he'd been carrying in his hands down on the hard wood and sighed at being relieved of the weight of it all.

"How did it go down in Investigations, sir?" enquired Hawkeye but when she looked over to the others, they were all egging her on to say something else. "I… missed you…" she added, unable to think of anything else she could have said. Again Mustang looked shocked and even Riza herself was surprised at the words that came from her mouth; it was almost like it had a mind of its own.

"Do you really mean that?" Roy asked dubiously and Riza had to look to the others for an answer. They were all grinning and nodding their heads furiously, Havoc even giving her the thumbs up.

"I… suppose…?" she chided herself promptly for sounding so uncertain. "Absolutely, sir!" she corrected and smiled assuringly.

"You guys all missed me? That's really nice of you all because I missed you all too!" Roy said shakily, getting all choked up.

It wasn't good enough for him to like them all equally; Riza **had** to be his favourite of them all! Breda, Havoc, Fuery and Ed had a quick and quiet discussion before coming to an undisputed agreement; Just in case Riza couldn't get him to like her more, they'd have to get him to like them less. It was foolproof!

"Colonel." Jean called for said person's attention. "You…! Uh… You…"

Perhaps it wasn't as foolproof as they'd hoped. Havoc looked the man up and down for something to insult him on but found that there wasn't a single flaw to his physical attributes. Even his personality was more or less perfect to him and he knew Breda and Fuery felt the same way. That was the reason they all supported him as they did, after all and they knew that even the pompousness he displayed sometimes was little more than a façade to deceive. There was more to the colonel than met the eye and because Havoc knew this, he found it hard to say anything horrible about the man he respected so much.

"Uh…" he continued stammering before pointing to Breda. "Breda wants to give you a piece of his mind!"

"I… do?" the red-haired man asked, bemused to why his colleague hadn't just said something to the colonel himself. He realised just why though when his mind reeled, attempting to create an insult but he drew a blank. "Um…" he was about to delegate and pass to Fuery but he knew that the shy soldier wouldn't be able to say anything either.

"Ugh, you guys are hopeless." Ed sighed and stepped forward. "Colonel, what I think these guys are trying to say id that you are a manipulative, egoistical, cunning, skirt-chasing bastard jerk who's too damn lazy for his own good and should get off his ass once in a while for a reason other than to go play around with women. You need to do some of your own work rather than slack off so much and order your subordinates around to do your dirty work for you."

"Yeah!" Havoc exclaimed angrily at the end of Ed's speech, followed by Breda and Fuery.

"Same goes for me too!"

"What they said, sir."

Mustang just looked at the four of them and a deep scowl came onto his face.

Then his lip started quivering.

And his eyes started to fill with water.

And before any of them knew it, he was running straight for the door and beyond, shouting, "You're all so mean!" as he ran down the corridor. Riza gave them all the deadliest glare she could muster then ran after the colonel to go fix the mess.

A wave of guilt washed over Havoc, Fuery and Breda but seemed to miss Ed for he suddenly started bursting out laughing.

"How can you be laughing? Don't you feel the least bit guilty for what we've just done?!" Havoc growled with contempt and self-loathing for the collective actions of himself and friends. The alchemist he questioned calmed himself down and wiped a tear from his eye.

"But I know that wasn't really the colonel." Ed said simply and the others looked at him as if he was stark raving mad.

"What do you mean that it wasn't really the colonel? That wasn't Mustang?" questioned Fuery, to which Ed shook his head.

"No, that was the colonel physically, but mentally, I don't really believe we can say it was him. After all, the colonel I knew wouldn't have had that sort of reaction to what I just said to him; he would have retorted with some snarky comment then give me some lecture on protocol whilst smiling that annoying smirk of his; something like that."

The other three exchanged looks.  
"I suppose that's true…" Breda admitted. "But I still feel like we should say sorry at least; it's not wise for your career at least to upset your direct superior."

"No, that'll just make things worse. If you really do value your lives then you'll just have to ignore your conscience."

"So, what now?" Havoc asked Ed.

"We wait and see what Lieutenant Hawkeye does; it's all we can do."

* * *

Hawkeye chased after Mustang who was still running through corridors. Even when she called after him – making sure to avoid saying his name – he paid no heed and kept running. 

She stopped following him however when what she feared happened and the colonel ran through a door with a little man decorating the outside above a plaque which read 'GENTLEMEN'. Resting a hand on the metal plate also on the outside, she scanned the hallway to her left and right then forced herself to enter once she knew the coast was clear.

Thankfully, no one was there when she entered but in the far corner where the cubicles were, three of the doors were locked. Riza stood in front of the three adjacent cubicles, hesitating only to think whether announcing her presence as a female in the men's room was really that wise, but she didn't see any way around it.

"Colonel?"

…

No answer, so she tried again.

"Colonel?"

…

Again no answer. She sighed, sorry she had to do this.

"Roy Mustang."

"Woof! I'm a dog of the military! Damn it!" a familiar voice came from the centre cubical, which opened up a few seconds later.

"What? Have you come to insult me too?" Mustang asked spitefully, although his voice was shaky. His eyes were red and tear stains adorned his cheeks once more, just as Havoc had seen the previous day.

Riza shook her head and smiled genially despite how childish she thought Mustang was acting.

"Of course not, sir; I came to see whether you were okay. I'm sure they didn't really mean what they said, you know."

"But what they said all sounded about right of me."

Well, if she was being honest, he _could_ afford to be a little more active and a little more focused on his work, but that wasn't what he needed to hear at the moment.

"None of it is true, sir, they're just… jealous of you."

That was the excuse her mother used to tell her when she was younger and she never believed her once, but—

"Okay."

Riza was so glad he was this gullible.

Now seemingly satisfied with her excuse on behalf of the four males, Mustang threw his arms around his subordinate and her cheeks coloured at his outwardness.

"Sir, I don't think it's sensible to act like this here; if someone saw--." But even before she could finish her sentence, the cubical to the left of her opened and a soldier came out, staring at the both of them for a few seconds at least before he hurried over to the sink, washed his hands and then left.

Hawkeye could only hope he wasn't one to gossip. She wrapped her own arms around Roy quickly to return the hug then let go just as quickly, determined not to get caught by anyone else who might enter or the other person in the cubical who could come out.

"Better?" she smiled and asked.

The colonel let go of Riza and wiped his eyes before returning the smile. "Better."

Riza nodded and began walking back to the office with Roy (even though he stopped walking every now and again, struggling to lift his legs and she'd have to wait for him until he was finally able to move them), and the both of them were smiling. The only difference this time for Riza, however, was that this time it was a genuine smile. Perhaps this ordeal would give her and her superior a chance to get closer to each other and maybe she'd be seen in a different light. Even though she purposely hid her feelings and emotions for the sake of her job, but even she didn't like the reputation of an 'Ice Queen' she'd picked up. She just wanted to be treated a little less… unfamiliar was the only way she could think of putting it. And now she was presented the opportunity to do this; a challenge that they would both have to work together to overcome- of course, Ed, Havoc, Breda, Fuery and even Hughes were all there for support, but there was only so much they could do at this point if they were going along with the plan. It was really only herself and the colonel who were really in the thick of it all.

Riza chuckled slightly to herself at her most recent thought. It was almost as if Mustang was like a child she had to take care of, or a pet; he was a 'Dog of the military', after all (as he so proudly states upon his name being mentioned). She started thinking of a conversation she'd once had with Gracia and how Roy was acting as she'd described Hughes that time, and she smiled fondly.

_"It makes me laugh sometimes when he acts childish and whiny and clingy just to get his way. I usually end up succumbing to his 'charms' anyway. It's quite sweet really." Is what she'd said to Riza. Then she'd giggled before adding to her previous sentence, as she watched her husband passing the door of the room and smile at her. _

_"There's only one person who can act like a complete idiot in front of you and not have you see them as funny or cute. I suppose that person tends to be your better half as well."_

* * *

When they got back, the others were each sat at a desk. The colonel stood before them all and they looked up at him. 

"I just wanted to say that I forgive all of you. I understand your reason for being mean; Hawkeye explained that you're all just jealous of me."

Their jaws dropped instantaneously. Jealous?! She told him that they were **jealous**?!

"What?! Me jealous of _you_?! That's bull--!"

"Edward," Hawkeye interrupted, "even if you can't bring yourself to admit your true feelings, there's no need for profanity." After all, if he messed this up, she'd be the one dealing with an upset colonel, not him.

Ed backed off, settling for mumbling under his breath that he was "not jealous!", and Mustang just beamed obliviously then paraded off to his desk, tripping over when he got there and Hawkeye rushed over.

"Are you okay, sir?" she enquired, helping him back on his feet and then into his chair. He nodded as a response and shook off his fall.

"I suppose I have to make a start on my paperwork." He said despondently, looking over the huge pile on his desk.

"I… I can do it for you, if you'd like me to." Riza offered. She'd been helping him finish his paperwork before his deadlines came for some time now, on top of doing her own, so it shouldn't have been much different. Only, this time it seemed to be twice as much as usual. Was this even really going to make him fonder of her than the others?

"Really?! Oh, thank you so much, Riza!"

It sure seemed to make him happy.

"Well then, I'll go and collect my paperwork now if you're going to be doing it."

Wait, what?

"Your paperwork? But aren't these all of your papers?"

Mustang shook his head. "No, these are to be divided by the four of you and completed. For myself, I have about five times this amount because I'm going to be in charge of the investigation- only temporarily though." He chortled before continuing. "I didn't know how I was going to cope with it all, especially since the deadline is in two days; I'd have had to work through both nights! But now that you're doing it for me, I don't have to worry."

He started laughing again but Hawkeye certainly wasn't. She was the one who would have to work through both nights and all day if she were to complete it in time if it was really as much as Mustang said. He himself wouldn't have managed it anyway.

"Ouch." Edward commented then stood up from where he was sat. "Anyway, I'm going to find Al now and see what he's up to."

He waved farewell to them all and then the blonde alchemist left through the door. Almost immediately after he left, another blonde alchemist stood at the door, granted that there was a lot less hair to define him as a blonde, but the moustache and thick strand (or clumped smaller strands, it was debatable) were sufficient enough evidence. Granted though, most people however would recall him due to his large, muscular physique and abundance of sparkles.

"I brought you your papers, Colonel Mustang!" Armstrong boomed.

"Woof! I'm a dog of the military!"

Riza just gawped at the amount of paperwork that was cradled in the major's well-built arms. She had to complete **all of that**?!

Even Fuery, Breda and Havoc stared incredulously.

"Thank you, Major, but how did you manage to carry all of that up here on your own?" Roy asked as Armstrong came in and put the papers on Riza's desk when he pointed to it.

"I used the paper carrying method which has been passed down the Armstrong generation for years!" he boasted proudly and ripped his military jacket and shirt off in one swift movement.

Hawkeye sighed and sat down to get a head start whilst Armstrong started flexing. Everyone else soon followed suit after her and eventually got started on their own paperwork when Armstrong had left. Mustang even tried to help Hawkeye with her load at first, completing a grand total of five sheets before eventually getting distracted by something else. These five were only a small portion of the seemingly thousands to Hawkeye though.

* * *

At the end of the day, Ed and Al walked to the dorms where they were temporarily staying until this whole thing blew over. Before they entered the building though, Ed discovered that Al had been successful in his search for stray kittens and ordered him to get rid of any he had before he entered their dormitory. 

"But I don't have any, brother, honest! It was just a sneeze!" Al insisted, trying to cover up for the meowing that had come from his armour seconds before. Ed didn't buy into it though.

"Al! Al you're a suit of armour! You can't sneeze- you don't even have a nose!" Ed argued and pointed to an alleyway. "Go get rid of them, okay?"

Al resigned and nodded. "Okay." he agreed solemnly and went to the alley to do as instructed.

"I'll meet you up there!" Ed shouted to him and went up to their room.

* * *

As soon as he got in, he headed straight for the bedroom, right about ready to go straight to sleep but stopped when Al was standing by the bedroom window, stroking a cat. 

"Al!" Ed yelled in a reprimanding tone. "I thought I told you to put it back!"

Only then did it click in Ed's mind.

"Wait, how did you get up here before me?"

"It won't work, brother." Al replied rather vaguely and set the cat onto the floor. Said cat ran past Ed and through the door.

"What won't work?" asked Ed, a weary feeling churning through his stomach.

And he was right to, for the familiar 'face' of his brother transformed into yet another familiar face, although certainly not a welcomed one;

Lamby Shaman's.

"Your plan, Edward. The plan you and the subordinates of the Flame Colonel devised."

"Envy." Ed seethed. "And just _how_ did you know of our plan?"

Envy shrugged. "Fly on the wall. The only reason I'm here though, Pipsqueak, is to say thank you. None of this would have been so easy to do without your interference. You practically gave me free will to do whatever to that colonel I pleased without question. I'm still waiting for my money though."

"You have a twisted sense of humour, you know." he said whilst he clapped his two hands together and transmuted his automail arm into a blade. "And never call me **Pipsqueak**!!!" Ed roared and lunched at Envy with an attack but it was easily dodged when the homunculus jumped backwards and reverted to his original form.

"Hey, that wasn't very nice especially since I just thanked you for doing me a favour; it was quite rude actually."

"Quit messing around! I should have known the homunculus had something to do with this. I don't understand why though; did you think Mustang would come after me? Because if you did, I'll tell you right now that you were far off by a long shot."

"I have my reasons and I'm not about to blab them all to you."

Ed clenched his teeth and began attacking Envy again, swinging his bladed arm wildly at him but again, all efforts were futile and Envy dodged it all.

"I've said all I wanted to now so I think I should leave. Thanks, Shorty." Envy grinned maliciously before he transformed into a dog and ran through the door.

"Not so fast!" Ed yelled and ran after him.

The cat that Envy had as Al had still been in the apartment but ran instantly upon seeing a dog bounding towards it. They all ran outside, all being the cat, Envy and Ed, but the first two started getting further ahead than Ed. He wouldn't give in so easily though and he still persevered.

"Al!" he called when passing the alley but didn't stop to see whether his brother had heard him or not. Unfortunately for Ed though, Envy suddenly turned a corner and by the time Ed had reached the corner himself, the homunculus was nowhere in sight.

"Brother, what's wrong?" Al questioned, appearing behind Ed. Ed figured it wasn't likely to be Envy in disguise this time seeing as getting away would be his top priority, not playing more mind games.

So Ed explained to Al his encounter with Envy and the two of them spent the entire night trying to locate the homunculus.

* * *

**I'm so glad I finally finished typing this up; I know I said Monday but I didn't expect to be out all day last Saturday and Sunday just wasn't enough time. I did want to get it done for Friday though which I have done!**

**When the next chapter will be... I really have no idea. Like I said, I have important examinations coming up for the next two years so that means loads of coursework, revision and a whole lot of commitment to school. I still haven't got my laptop back either (battery is on order) so I am still without notes and I just haven't planned it all out. I'll try and do what I can, when I can, but it may be a while, I'm afraid. Keep listening out though (if you haven't lost interest), I may just get inspired randomly one day or my muse might just keep bugging me and I end up writing loads one day, you never know.**

**Thank you all for reading!**


	7. Friday: The Manhunt

**Wow, it's certainly been a long time, for which I REALLY apologise! Despite not leading a rollicking social life, school still seems to occupy the majority of my time somehow. It's been six months since I updated this thing... It was actually quite fun writing... and disturbing... mostly disturbing. And apropos, I issue this warning; contains one-sided RoyxArmstrong, because Roy cannot help himself. Scary...**

**  
I do not own Full Metal Alchemist or any associated characters.**

* * *

That Friday morning, Mustang and his four subordinates were all gathered in their usual workspace, also accompanied by Major Armstrong. They'd taken to having Armstrong bring the Colonel to work in lieu of having him walk, both because it meant that he actually arrived on time and that it meant less bruises on his face for people to question. But they also knew that the Major wasn't dumb enough to not realise he was doing this without a particular cause, and thus, before he had the opportunity to enquire, they filled him in on their current situation, or at least as much as they could remember accurately. But just before they got to mention the symptoms of which the Colonel was suffering from, Edward burst through the door, looking tired but also anxious. His brother was also behind him at the threshold.

"Sorry, but I-!" he began in a fluster, but a sudden outburst from Armstrong interrupted him.

"Edward Elric! I have heard of your exploits during the hypnotism of Colonel Mustang and I must say I am gravely disappointed!" he boomed.

"Woof… I'm a dog of the Military…" came a quiet mumbled response from the back of the room, which trailed off into incoherencies. No one paid attention however.

"Yeah, I'll explain properly later, Major, but I – Wait, you told Major Armstrong!?" queried the shorter alchemist, as if the fact that they could even fathom doing so was unimaginable.

"We needed his assistance with dealing with the Colonel, and it was only fair that we informed him of the situation," Hawkeye replied coolly, looking up from the stack of papers she was still working on. She looked just as tired as Edward, if not even more so, but her demeanour showed no sign of this; only the slight redness of her eyes that added to her stern nature told so.

"Fine, but anyway, what I was going to say was-!" Again, Edward was interrupted.

"Is my knowing a problem for you, Edward Elric!?"

"No, Major, it's just-!"

"Do you need me to prove my worthiness!? My muscles should be proof enough!" The Major stripped himself of his military jacket and shirt to show off his muscles which he thought would serve as concrete evidence to alter Edward's opinion.

"Major! It's alright, really! Your input will really help us, I'm sure of it! I just really need to tell you all that-!"

"I am deeply humbled that I am able to be an asset in your plan!" the lesser clad of the two in the conversation bellowed, almost moved to the point of tears, and cutting Ed off once again. Edward began getting a little irritated with the man's constant disruptions.

"Major, please! We-!" Armstrong opened his mouth to interrupt Ed again but this time another voice interrupted his interrupting interruption.

"The homunculi are the ones behind all of this," Alphonse informed austerely, gaining the silence Ed was trying to achieve in the first place. The silence lasted for longer than expected however, the eyes of Havoc, Breda, Fuery and Armstrong all widening and a frown knotting Hawkeye's eyebrows.

"Homunculi…? As in those artificially created humans? But why would they be interested in doing something like this?" Armstrong questioned, finally regaining his ability to speak.

"I'm not entirely sure," Ed replied despondently. "But Al and I have been up all night trying to find out where they are… so far we haven't had too much luck, but I was hoping that we might be a bit luckier if we had you guys helping us."

"We hope it's not too much trouble," Alphonse added meekly.

The four subordinates of Mustang looked at each other, trying to gauge each other's thoughts towards the manhunt (or artificial-manhunt, as it was).

"I think we should do it," Havoc finally decided, standing up from his seat behind his desk. The others didn't seem to be as certain as he was however. "Come on, you can't seriously think that looking for those who actually caused this to happen isn't a good idea!"

"It just seems pointless, really," Breda replied, refusing to look at the smoker as he spoke, "We've already established that nothing can be done from that book, plus, it's not as if we don't have any work here we need to do. It would just be a waste of our time."

"You also thought that trying to look for a way to counter the hypnosis was a waste of time but that paid off and we have a plan now. If this works, we might not even need to use that plan or put a life on the line," Edward contended. Breda still looked as if he was mulling it over.

"I'll go… if everyone else does," Fuery pitched in on his own behalf. All eyes went back to Breda when the portly man sighed.

"Fine, count me in, too."

"If we find them and they undo the hypnosis then it's all right. But what if they can't? Even if they can, I doubt they would willingly do it for us," Hawkeye rebutted, looking directly at Ed.

"Well…" Edward's eyes cast downwards at the floor. "We won't know unless we try. Besides, aren't you wondering what their motive for doing this is?"

"And if we know that, will it change anything? Besides, we can't just leave the Colonel here alone."

"Who said anything about leaving him alone?" Ed said, now looking up at Armstrong with a malevolent grin. "I'm thinking, we already have two skilled alchemists with us, but it could be trouble if we leave the Colonel here unsupervised. And sometimes, it takes an alchemist to keep another alchemist in line."

Armstrong's eyes widened as he caught onto Ed's idea. "You want me to care for the Colonel whilst you search for the ones who did this to him?" he asked bemusedly, to which Edward nodded in the affirmative.

"Of course, Major! We need an alchemist of your calibre for such an important job, because we trust you and think you're worthy. You are worthy enough, aren't you?"

"You needn't even doubt for a second whether or not I am suited for such a vital task, Edward Elric." Again, the muscular man was flexing and showing off his powerfully built body.

Edward looked back over to Hawkeye and smirked with self-confidence; a smirk that almost mirrored that of her hypnotised superior to a tee. "Well, Lieutenant, we could really use your help with this."

Said Lieutenant was too fixated on the smirk that looked so familiar, yet resting on a face that it should be unfamiliar to; Hawkeye really couldn't tell whether it was the lack of sleep from doing paperwork all night that was just causing her to hallucinate. And whether it was in fact the smirk or just Ed's justifications that led to Hawkeye's final decision would remain unknown to her for the rest of her life, but all she knew was that Edward needed to stop emulating Mustang.

"All right," she replied, standing from her seat. Ed's smirk became a grin and even Alphonse showed signs of relief that everyone else was participating in their search.

"Great! Major," Ed dug around in his pocket for a while before producing a scrap of paper. He pressed it into one of the man's large hands which coiled around the new object. "That list is everything you need to watch out for, all right? We're counting on you."

"Don't you worry, Edward Elric; you have left the Colonel in very capable hands! I will see to it that he comes to no harm at all!" Armstrong reassured gleefully and saluted the others as they began filing out of the room. "I hope your mission doesn't become too perilous and wish you all the best of luck!"

Edward nodded then turned back to his iron brother. "Let's go, Al!" he instructed enthusiastically and exited the room after said suit of armour, slamming the door behind him.

A quiet moan from behind him caused Armstrong to turn around.

"You're awake now I see, Colonel Mustang."

"Woof, I'm a dog of the Military…" Roy yawned as he stretched his limbs out, and then proceeded by him rubbing his eyes. "Oh, Major Armstrong… We're in my office?"

He nodded. "Yes, Sir; I brought you here earlier this morning."

Mustang looked around the room confusedly. "Then, where is everyone else?" he asked as he got out of his seat.

"They went out on a mission, but they should return later."

"I see, I see. It's just as well then." Roy stared deeply into the other man's wide blue eyes as he came around to the front of his desk.

Armstrong gave him a confused look. "Why would that be, Sir?"

"Because…" Mustang's voice was now low and seductive, his arms reaching back behind him as he leaned against the sturdy wood, "it finally gives me a chance to express my true feelings."

Armstrong was getting more and more confused by the second. He looked at the approaching man strangely, and began shuffling backwards when he got too close for comfort. "Colonel M-," he started but was silenced when Roy lunged forwards and pressed his finger to the other's lips.

"Shh… I'm the one who needs to do all of the talking…" Roy purred and kept following Armstrong as he made his way backwards until he collided to the wall and couldn't move any further. "Alex Louis Armstrong…"

Said man cringed when the silk of Mustang's sleeves brushed against his bare flesh as Roy took his hands, causing him to drop the piece of paper he'd been holding up until this point. He'd almost forgotten that the Colonel was still clad in his pyjamas, seeing as he'd still been in bed when Armstrong had brought him into work, and he didn't think that the Colonel would appreciate having his clothes changed by another man, although with how he was acting now, one couldn't be too sure…

"Major Armstrong… I love you," Roy finally confessed as he took another step forward, minimising the space between their two bodies to a mere inch or so. He stroked the large palms that belong to the proportionally large man and met his rough blue eyes with dark, lustful ones. Armstrong remained perplexed for a few seconds until realisation and understanding struck him.

"Oh…"

"Oho…"

"Oho ho ho ho ho…"

"Oho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!!" the large man guffawed and pulled his hands away from the brunette before enveloping him in a tight embrace, lifting him clear from the ground. "Colonel Mustang!"

"Woof! I'm a dog of the Military!" came the strangled reply, but Armstrong continued with his speech nevertheless.

"Your expression of your feelings has touched me so, and rest assured that your platonic bond of affection is most mutually reciprocated!"

Mustang struggled to free himself of the grip he was in and was soon released but only after the lesser-haired of the two had succeeded to hugging the life out of him. Once he was down on solid ground safely, he staggered backwards away with a look of abject trepidation and disgust.

"Major Armstrong… Never do anything like that again!!" he yelled but the major ignored him as he looked to the clock."

"Look at the time, Colonel! It's already approaching nine and you still aren't dressed and ready to fulfil your military duties for the day!" He rushed past Mustang and picked up the uniform he'd taken from Mustang's home for him to change into. "We must get you ready before anybody sees you in this state, Sir!"

"But, Major Armstrong, I love- ahh!" he started but yelped when the Major began dragging him out of the room by his arm.

"Come! You must get ready! Here is a clean uniform for you to change into." Armstrong handed him said uniform and stopped outside of the male restrooms. "I will wait outside for you, Colonel. And I must say I'm so glad that were are getting this chance to bond with each other. I feel that we shall become very close friends by the end of the day!" he exclaimed exuberantly with tears streaming down his structured cheeks. "Now hurry, Colonel Mustang!" And with that, he pushed him through the doors even before Mustang got a chance to brag to him about being a dog of the Military.

Armstrong waited outside of the toilets for the Colonel to emerge, but there was still nothing from the man for five minutes…

Nor ten minutes either…

But once fifteen minutes had passed, Armstrong saw a familiar face; however it wasn't the Colonel's.

"Oh, Major Armstrong, what are you be doing here?" Hughes queried as Armstrong snapped into a salute.

"I'm waiting for Colonel Mustang, Sir. He went into the bathrooms a while ago to change into his uniform," Armstrong answered, hand still raised to his forehead in a salute.

"And what about everyone else?"

"Lieutenant Hawkeye, the Elric brothers and the rest of the Colonel's subordinates have embarked on a mission to seek the ones who caused this to happen… I cannot say more than that here, I'm afraid though, Sir."

The bespectacled man pushed his glasses further up the bridge of his nose so they sat comfortably. "I see. Then please, inform me when the opportunity next arises."

Armstrong nodded his head and stood at attention. "Yes, Sir!" he responded. And with that, the Lieutenant Colonel sent him a warm smile and left.

And Armstrong still went on to wait for the Colonel. Since he'd started waiting, twenty minutes had passed, then twenty-five, then thirty, then-.

It was approaching thirty-five minutes since the Colonel had entered the toilets when Hughes passed Armstrong for a second time.

"Has Roy been in there all of this time?" Maes asked with concern evident in his voice. The Major nodded in the affirmative as he watched another young soldier enter through the door to the restrooms. "And have you been in to check on him?" Hughes continued.

"I didn't want to invade in on his privacy, Sir," was Armstrong's response. Suddenly, the young man who had entered merely seconds ago burst through the door and backed away slowly before turning on his heels and heading back down the corridor at a hasty pace.

Hughes shared a quick worried glance with Armstrong before flinging open the restroom door, fearing the worst.

"Roy!" he cried with concern and a frown upon his face, but all anxieties were dampened when a quick glance informed him that his friend was unharmed, or physically, at least. "…Roy?"

Mentioned man was curled up on the ground in the foetal position, knees hugged tightly to his chest and the proclamation of his status as a Military dog being mumbled quietly but audibly. His cheeks were stained red and trails led downwards from his eyes to his chin, the route being repaved as fresh tears rolled.

"Roy…" the name was uttered again for the third time, this time having the intended affect and summoning the attention of the upset man.

"Woof! I'm a dog of the Military!" he exclaimed, somewhat out of character for his depressed mien.

"Are you all right? What happened!?" Hughes continued questioning, crouching beside his best friend, who in turn looked to him.

"E-Everyone… They all abandoned me! No one likes me!" he snivelled. Maes let out a sigh of exasperation but smiled in a fatherly way at the dark-haired man.

"No one abandoned you, Roy."

"Woof! I'm a dog of the Military!" Hughes chose to ignore his outcry and continued when Roy showed no sign of replying to him.

"Major Armstrong was waiting outside for you," he began to explain, but now Roy chose to interrupted him.

"But, the Major was the one to push me in here because he wanted to get rid of me," he interjected.

"No, you have it all wrong," the bespectacled elucidated, "he was waiting outside for you to finish and come out; he hadn't abandoned you at all!"

"Well what about the others? They all left me to go somewhere else because they don't like me." This time, it was Armstrong to answer Roy's question.

"They haven't abandoned you either, Sir. They're merely on a mission for your own benefit and will return in due time, most certainly this afternoon."

"So you see, Roy," Maes started, taking over from Armstrong.

"Woof! I'm a dog of the Military!"

"No one has abandoned you. Do you feel better now?"

Said man uncurled himself and sat up slightly before rubbing his eyes and nodding. "Yes…"

Maes stood. "All right then. Now put on some trousers and the Major and I will wait outside for you."

Roy nodded once more and watched Armstrong and Hughes as they exited the restrooms. He then collected his military trousers from the floor, stood up and pulled them on, only having changed half of his clothing when the other two had come in and had been clad in the proper military uniform, sans the trousers.

Maes sighed and looked at a clock on a nearby wall before turning to Armstrong. "I'm going to have to leave pretty soon, but before I do, do you know exactly what you're in for? Has Ed told you of everything to keep an eye out for?"

It was only then that Armstrong remembered of the piece of paper Ed had given to him earlier.

_"That list is everything you need to watch out for, all right?" _Ed had said when he gave him the list. And now the paper was… What had happened to that piece of paper? It wasn't in his hand anymore, and after a thorough search, he discovered it wasn't in any of his pockets either.

"I was given a piece of paper with them on," the alchemist began when Hughes cut him off before he could get to the 'but' of the matter.

"Great, then that's all you'll need; as long as you read through that list everything should be fine. It's just as well you were given it because you'd be pretty lost without it. Best of luck but I need to go retrieve some documentation I needed to get." And with that, Hughes saluted and walked off.

Armstrong's attempts to call back the man failed and he was left standing there, a frown crossing his eyebrows. The list couldn't be that important… could it? He was about to follow after the man to get the information of which he needed, but it was then that the Colonel chose to appear from the door with his pyjamas in a bundle in his arms. "Let's go," he instructed before starting in the direction of his office. He sure chose his moments; he couldn't have stayed another half hour like he had earlier, could he? Armstrong groaned and followed after his superior reluctantly.

Armstrong wasn't paying any attention to where he was going, all of his mind concentration on retracing his steps to try and identify where he'd dropped that piece of paper, which is precisely why he almost trampled over Mustang when he'd fallen to the floor and landed prostrate, but he managed to halt himself at the last minute. "Colonel Mustang, are you all right?" he enquired.

"Woof! I'm a dog of the Military!" was his mumbled reply, the sound muffled due to the carpeted floor pressed against his mouth.

"Perhaps I should carry you so you don't trip again," Armstrong suggested and crouched down beside the Colonel, picked him up, slung him over his shoulder and carried him back to his office.

He placed him down in his chair with a grunt and sighed as he turned around. He needed to find that piece of paper, but he just couldn't for the life of him remember what he'd done with it.

"Armstrong," Roy called to him from where he sat, and said man turned around once again.

"Yes, Colonel?" Armstrong replied tepidly.

"Did you know that I have tea parties with my bears every day after work?"

The large man's eyes widened, not entirely sure what to think of the superior's strange hobby nor sure how to react to being told such. "No… I wasn't aware of it, Sir…"

Mustang looked directly into Armstrong's deep, blue eyes and the corner of his mouth tugged upwards slightly. "You're always free to join me; the tea that Ted D. makes is exceptional," he invited. Armstrong couldn't help but grimace and turned back around to try and hide it from the man.

"Thank you very much for that proposition, Colonel Mustang, but I-…"

"Woof! I'm a dog of the Military!" aforesaid man barked, but that wasn't the reason that Armstrong faltered. No, for the reason he faltered was because of the white, screwed-up ball of paper that sat in the corner of the room. He strode over to it and squatted before picking it up from the ground and opening it up, just praying that it wasn't a piece of litter someone had carelessly thrown aside. But luckily for him, its contents consisted of some sort of list in scraggly writing; a list of… symptoms, perhaps? But these symptoms strayed from normal symptoms someone who was indisposed would suffer from; they weren't the typical words like 'cough' or 'sneeze', but much more detailed and… random.

"Barks whenever someone says his name…? Gullible…?" Armstrong read, the list almost causing him to be more confused than before. He wouldn't have believed any of it unless he hadn't witnessed Colonel Mustang's strange behaviour with his own eyes, or been told by mentioned man's trustworthy subordinates of the condition. Well, either it was true, or everyone was incredibly good at acting and was just playing a prank. But he also doubted that Hawkeye would condone everyone skipping half a day's worth of work just for a joke. He was just thinking too much, and as strange as it seemed, he would have to take everything with a pinch of salt until there was a more legitimate reason to doubt them.

But nonetheless, once Armstrong had successfully located the note and perused it, he was only then prepared for the six "Woof! I'm a dog of the Military!" outcries, five emotional breakdowns over something trivial (such as the one he had when he discovered one of the paperclips was on its own when he paired them up and he cried because "it was lonely"), four fallings, three attempted seductions, two erotic groans and the one ass tap that came his way up until after lunch.

* * *

**Thank you very much for reading and if you're interested, the next chapter should be up fairly soon, but I won't make any promises sorry. But still, I doubt it'll be another six months.**

**Edit: Even though I doubt it'll take as long as last time anyway, it still might be a while, sorry. I know I said fairly soon but I just don't currently have the time; even my weekends are busy! D: And I actually have more than I realised remaining to write, so I'm terribly sorry! I will update my profile with how close I am to finishing the next chapter however.**


	8. Friday: Paperclip Palaver

**Right, thank you all for being so patient with me! I hadn't imagined it would take this long to finish off this chapter, so I apologise. Unfortunately, school is still rather busy so when the next chapter gets done, I have absolutely no idea; just whenever I get a break from homework, schoolwork, coursework and exams... And I've even got a plot for a sequel to this story, so this thing could go on for quite a while, to say the least. But thank all of you who have read so far, all who has reviewed and showed enthusiasm to my work.**

**I do not own Full Metal Alchemist or any of the related characters.**

* * *

It was after lunch when the others returned from their mission back to the Colonel's office, heads hung low and glum and defeated expressions being sported on their faces. They didn't even have to say anything, for the Major read their demeanours like a book as they entered, the subordinates each taking their respective seats and Ed and Al stood at the door.

"Sorry, guys," Ed apologised to the rest of the room before releasing a long sigh of exasperation.

"You did you best, big brother; we all did. There was nothing more that any of us could have done," Alphonse said in an attempt to lift their spirits, which he did slightly, but nowhere near enough to outweigh the burden of failure they carried. They'd sought answers when they left and had returned only with the same questions they carried out with them, all remaining unanswered.

Havoc sighed as he took out a cigarette, and then placed it into his mouth. He then rummaged through his pockets in search of his lighter, but cursed when he couldn't find it. "Hey, Chief, could you give me a light?" he asked, his request directed to Mustang. And in return, the dark haired man took his right glove from his desk drawer, and with a controlled display of alchemy, ignited the tip of his Second Lieutenant's cigarette. The Colonel quite often worked as Havoc's emergency lighter should he not be able to find his original, and just as frequently as he lit up in the office, Hawkeye would always make the same shrewd comment;

"Could you please smoke that outside; I'm sure that the rest of us don't want to go home smelling like cigarettes."

And Havoc would always grumble and leave the building to go finish off his cigarette.

"Regarding the Colonel," Armstrong began as Havoc vacated, "it just seems unfathomable. I hope you are not trying to play a trick and pull the wool over my eyes because I will not be that easily deceived," Armstrong reminded, producing the list from his pocket.

"None of it's a lie; everything we've told you is unfortunately true," Edward answered earnestly.

Mustang, who was busy putting the paperclips on his desks into groups of three to see if they would be divided equally that way, spoke up at that point; "can I have another box of paperclips?"

The other's turned their attention to him. "What for?" Riza asked.

"Because I want them to be in couples and if I get a new box then there'll be more and then maybe they'll add up."

The blonde woman knitted her eyebrows together. "Why don't you just get rid of one?"

This notion seemed to shock Mustang beyond belief, for he gasped loudly and dramatically. "You can't just get rid of one because it's on its own; that's just mean…!" he answered back matter-of-factly. Hawkeye rolled her eyes and turned to Breda.

"Tell him that he already has enough," she told him in a low voice so that the Colonel wouldn't hear.

"Why don't you tell him?" he responded.

"Because he's supposed to like me, but he won't if I tell him he can't have what he wants," she explained.

Breda grumbled but turned his body so that he could address the Colonel properly. "Do you really need more paperclips, Sir? What if we just got one more for you?"

"No."

Breda grimaced; it was more awkward dealing with the Mustang than he'd imagined. "Well, you don't really need a whole new box, do you?"

"Yes."

"But each box has two-hundred and fifty paperclips in; there'd be no point because there would still be one left over if you combined what you already have with it anyway."

Mustang seemed to pause and mull it over in his head, tipping his head to one side as his thoughts processed. "I'll take my chances," he finally replied and Breda grimaced. He knew that the supply budget was running low and they couldn't afford to squander anymore stationary (nor steal it, as some officers were prone to doing), but he didn't expect the Colonel to know that; it was one subject among many that were regarded in the neglected stacks of paperwork that should have been completed by the Colonel, but ended up being dished out to his subordinates instead. But the large gentleman was going to have to take a stand now, for the budget's sake. The room seemed to grow darker as he prepared himself for what he was about to do.

"No, Sir, you can't have a box and that's final," he refused firmly, cloaking the fear he had from talking to his superior like that, and even more afraid when he realised that the man was still wearing his glove.

The others in the room looked from Breda to Mustang to see what the latter's reaction would be, and the majority that had seen a similar situation before were correct in their assumptions. The Colonel held a strong face for a few seconds before his lip began to quiver and he soon broke down into tears once more.

"Ah, crap," Breda groaned and moved to get out of his seat but Riza held her hand out to stop him. She was about to stand up from her own chair but the door was suddenly thrown open and a drenched Havoc stood at the threshold.

"It just started raining all of a sudden; I didn't even get to finish my cigarette before it got completely ruined!" he complained as he made his way back to his desk, boots squelching with every step. He sat down on his chair heavily and opened his desk drawer before searching for another cigarette, then placed a new one in his mouth. "Hey, Co-..." It was only at this point that he noticed that the Colonel was crying. "What's wrong with him now?" he asked Riza, who was sat beside him.

"He wanted a box of paperclips but Breda said no," Hawkeye informed.

"I... see…?" he replied slowly, not wanting to delve more into the cause of the problem and get himself involved. "Well, I have the perfect thing that'll cheer him up!" Havoc grinned as he once again raided his desk drawer but this time pulling his hand out with a piece of paper tightly folded into sixteenths. "I'd been saving this for a time when I really pissed the Chief off so he'd hopefully let me off, but he might as well have it now if he's distressed."

Havoc got out of his seat and squelched over to the Colonel, resting a hand on his shoulder. "Here y' go, Chief; this'll cheer you up. Just don't let anyone else see," he beamed, still clenching the cigarette between his teeth. All eyes, including Mustang's, were on the tall smoker at that moment as he talked Roy into opening it. "Go on, I'm pretty certain you'll like it; I know I sure did!"

Even though Mustang seemed wary, he sniffed and began unfolding the paper from sixteenths into eighths…

Then into quarters…

Then into halves…

Then…

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

**_BOOM!!_**

The moment the paper had been opened enough to see the image on the page, Roy cried out in terror and snapped his fingers, engulfing the paper into flames as it landed on his desk. Then, after demonstrating his powers, the Flame Alchemist ran away into the far corner of the room, and burst into tears harder than any of them had seen him before, leaving Havoc to curse and put out the fire that had caught on his desk.

Everyone stared completely baffled at either the Colonel in the corner or the scorch mark from where the fire had seared the desk.

"Wh- What was that reaction for!?" Havoc asked, astonished.

"What did you show him!?" Hawkeye questioned in the same loud tone but for a totally different reason. She got up quickly and went over to Roy who was in hysterics; whatever he'd seen had completely petrified him.

"Shh…" she coaxed as she sat beside him and wrapped her arm around his shoulders. She then pulled him against her and swayed side-to-side in an effort to mollify him, succeeding after a few minutes had past, or at least partially succeeding. He was still beyond the ability to speak though, blubbering and dampening her shoulder with his salty tears, but compared to how he'd been crying before, one was able to say he'd calmed down somewhat.

The others watched the scene that occurred in the corner of the room in amazement, Armstrong even touched to the degree that tears were rolling down his cheeks (not that it was difficult to move the man to such a point anyway.)

"I had no idea that the Lieutenant could be so…"

"Genial?" Breda finished for Fuery.

Falman nodded promptly in agreement. "I've never seen her behave this affectionate, not even to Hayate," he commented, raising his voice so that it could be heard over the boisterous blubbers and contend with the clamorous cries of the Colonel. He then turned to Havoc, who had now returned to his desk, still stunned. "What was on that piece of paper that you showed him anyway?"

"It was nothing, really!" he responded defensively.

"Is that so? Because the Colonel sure acted like it was more than nothing," Breda maintained.

"It was just a picture… a calendar picture," the smoker elaborated anxiously.

"Lieutenant Havoc," Ed spoke up from where he stood at the end of the row of desks, "that picture wouldn't happen to have been of a miniskirt, was it?" The expression on Havoc's face following Ed's question told him that he'd been correct.

"H-How did you know!? Did you see the picture? Because if you did, I _swear_ that's the only one I have! It wasn't even mine; a friend gave it to me!"

"No, I didn't see it," Ed interrupted before the man could rant any more. "The Colonel's reaction was just fitting. More importantly, why would you even show the Colonel a picture like that?"

"To cheer him up; the Chief loves miniskirts."

"But you should have known what was coming!"

"How would anyone have known **_that_** was coming!?" Havoc retorted, getting distressed again.

"Because Ed told all of us what would happen!" Breda interjected.

"Well no one told me!!"

Breda was about to argue back his point when Falman intervened.

"Havoc's right. Ed didn't tell all of us, he told all of us _excluding _Havoc. He'd gone to find the Colonel, who'd gone off, remember?"

An expression of realisation dawned on the faces of Havoc and the others that were listening and partaking in the conversation.

"This list that Edward gave to me contains the information that Lieutenant Havoc doesn't know?" Armstrong queried, holding out said list.

"That's the one!" Ed exclaimed and snatched the list from Armstrong, glanced over it just to make sure that it was the correct one, then passed it to Havoc. "Read that."

Riza, who had been simultaneously listening to the others' conversation and comforting the Colonel, sighed at the awful situation that she'd been placed in volition again, much to her chagrin, but still she forced a smile onto her face and turned to Mustang.

"What do you say we go outside so you can get some fresh air?" she proposed in a gentle tone, just hoping that the rain had stopped by that point. The only response she got from the afflicted Colonel was a snivel and what was ambiguously a nod, though could have also been the jerking of his head as he made desperate gasps for air amidst his blubbers. But still Riza decided to interpret it in the former way and helped him to his feet, then led him out of the office to the Military's gardens.

A few stumbles and trips later, the pair managed to make into the damp garden. Riza knew where Roy's favourite spot was; stealing away from the sun's glorious rays (which were present even after such a shower had poured down upon the earth), beneath a large oak tree, and she sat beside him resting against the thick trunk, where the leaves overhead had acted as an umbrella and only let the odd droplets pass through the gaps, meaning the ground was relatively dry. For whoever looked in their direction, she sent them hard glares which dared them to importune of the Colonel's state, be they higher or lower in rank. Even the flowers seemed to turn their heads away from her icy stare which had the power to overcome the warmth of the sun's glow that they usually favoured, and instead freeze the droplets that rested upon their petals. But Riza saved her kindness and gentle touch for Roy, her arm resting on his shoulders lightly as he leaned into her and dampened her uniform further with the tears he shed.

"It's all right," she consoled him, resting her head on top of his, growing wearier with every minute it took her to calm him down, but he was making clear progress, for he'd almost managed to stop crying altogether. She sighed and kept herself busy during this time by cooing softly and, at the same time, inwardly cursing how she didn't have time for any of this; she was already meant to be handling all of the Colonel's paperwork as it was, she was tired, she'd been walking around for the past three or four hours or so, her feet ached, her back ached, her head ached, she—!

"Riza…?" Mustang finally spoke, snapping said woman from her ranting reverie. It wasn't even so much the fact that he'd suddenly spoken to her that shocked her however; it was the fact that he'd used her first name as opposed to her rank or last name.

"Colonel Mus-!" she returned with surprise evident in her voice; so much so that she almost finished her sentence without first noticing her mistake. "Colonel…?" she corrected herself. "How are you feeling now, sir?"

He shrugged to her question. "Better… I suppose," he returned, there being a hint of bitterness to his tone now which didn't go undetected.

"Are you sure everything is all right, sir?" There was a pregnant pause as Roy shunned his face away from Riza slightly, then mumbled.

"You were mean earlier…"

Riza frowned, trying her best to recollect her memory of the moment she was talking about. "When was I mean? To who? To you?"

"No; to the paperclip! You said throw it away when it didn't have another paperclip to pair up with! Imagine how that paperclip feels!"

Riza only just managed to repress a sardonic chuckle. She knew exactly how that paperclip felt, and besides, this was just ridiculous! He was getting upset over a _paperclip!! _This over-exaggeration of personification was a show of inanity, but Riza didn't really have a choice if their plan were to work; she'd have to make up some sort of excuse to get herself back into Roy's good books.

She applied her amiable personality and moulded her stiff expression into a gentle smile. "Colonel, sir, you've misunderstood my intentions," she began to explain and used her hand to gently force his face around so he looked at her. "I was merely trying to help the paperclip to find love by… helping it to look in places… where she never thought she'd find love." Riza slowed her speech down mid-sentence as she created her excuse, but also to listen to the own words that flowed from her mouth. It was only then she realised that her eyes had slipped downwards to the sodden grass that sat outside of the area the tree protected with its leaves, and she had to lift them back up again to the man's to gauge his reaction. Despite his eyes staring up at her incredulously, they belied his reaction to her words, which were a shrug and a quick nod.

"Okay then… but who said anything about love? I just wanted them all to have a friend; I mean come on, Riza, they're just paperclips," Roy answered to her; causing Hawkeye's expression dropped a notable amount which she couldn't control. She wasn't sure what she should get more distressed about; the fact that her excuse proved to be redundant after all, or the fact that **_he _**was telling **_her _**that they were 'just paperclips'! But she managed to lay aside those issues with a heavy sigh, and then continued with her feigned content demeanour.

"You're right; it is just a paperclip, sir," agreed Riza, unenthusiastically. "I apologise for endowing it with a human attribute like love."

Roy shook his head at her and finally smiled. "It just means you're compassionate, I suppose."

The two of them simply sat in silence after that, enjoying each other's company. And even though Riza knew she had work to complete, she couldn't really say she minded too much if this was the alternate way of spending her time. (She was actually beginning to understand just why the Colonel ducked out of work like he did.) And it was probably better for Roy also; not having to be stuck in the office and have to face yet another horrendous ordeal, of which again would be left for Riza to sort. But now was a crucial stage; she needed to know whether their plan was working effectively or not; whether she was in fact the one that Roy most cared for, or whether there was still someone else who held that place, because if there was, they'd have to alter everything to protect that person; it would be troublesome to recalculate a new plan in two-to-three days. And there was only really one way to find out; by asking him.

"Colonel?" she spoke up, interrupting the air which was void of voices up until that moment. There had only been one or two other people out there at that time as opposed to the four or five picnicking groups that would gather around that time, due to the weather, the light rain drops still beating overhead on the leaves of the large umbrella, but every other one would manage to pass through a gap and land on their steadily cooling flesh.

"Why don't you use my name; my first name?" Roy asked suddenly.

Riza knew exactly why she **couldn't**, but there also the reason why she **shouldn't**. "Because it would be improper of me as a lower-ranking officer and as your subordinate, sir," she replied, giving the latter reason.

"Well, I don't mind," Roy responded, but Riza shook her head.

"I'm sorry, sir, but it's protocol."

Roy sighed in defeat, but nodded. "Fine. What was it you wanted then?"

Hawkeye paused in thought, wondering how it was best to word her question; she wanted to do so in a way that was inconspicuous and subtle so that Roy wouldn't be suspect of her.

"Who would you say that you cared most about?"

…It had sounded more surreptitious in her head… She blamed the lack of sleep. But thankfully, Roy didn't seem to find anything wrong with her question, and looked up thoughtfully.

"I… I don't know… never considered it. I'm not that close to many people…" He replied, then paused a moment longer to contemplate her question fully. "My subordinates are my closest friends, I'd say, and of them… Well, you and Havoc are the ones I've had longest, and Havoc was horrible to me just…" Roy flinched slightly as he recalled just what the Second Lieutenant had done to him. "So… you, I suppose. Why do you ask?"

Riza merely shook her head, suppressing the grin that almost came to her and in its place, hosted a gentle smile instead.

"Well, I'm honoured, sir. Thank you," she replied, feeling she'd attained her clandestinely morbid goal of becoming Mustang's closest companion, and was glad that all was going as planned, so far.

* * *

**I wasn't really happy with that ending, but I didn't know how else to do it, so I apologise. And I don't know when I'll be able to write the next chapter, but I'll do my best to write when I get a chance! **

**Again, I thank you for reading!**


	9. Saturday: The Nightmare

**I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist.**

* * *

The scratching of pen to paper continued to permeate through the silence that the early hours of the day carried. And even those hours' natural darkness was being disturbed by the glow of the lamp that sat on her bedside table.

"Three fifty-five…" a weary voice grumbled, temporarily becoming the only sound that interrupted the morning's silence. Riza then took the time to look around the room at the behemoth castle that surrounded her on the bed—okay, maybe it wasn't _that_ much, but to someone who had been deprived of sleep for almost two days because of mentioned papers, it would certainly seem like a lot. And, thankfully, she was signing the very last which made up the documentation that had been intended for the Colonel.

The pen lifted from the final sheet and a self-satisfied smile showed on the sleepy soldier's face before she slumped down to rest bloodshot eyes. Within seconds, Riza found herself basking in the warm light of the sun on a quiet beach; the first of what was to be a wonderful bout of dreams in lieu of the nightmare paperwork she'd unintentionally volunteered to do. Even though it was merely a dream, the sense of relaxation that she experienced was just purely…

**BRRRING! BRRRING!**

The violent ringing shocked her out of her dream and back into the harsh reality that waited amidst the stacks of paperwork, and she then realised the state of darkness beyond the window was identical to that of which she'd fallen asleep in. She checked the clock beside the lamp, only just being able to overcome her fatigued state and focus on the numbers.

"…Four…in the morning…"

**BRRRING! BRRRING! **

Ah, there came that irritatingly shrill noise that pierced through the air and had also pierced through the erected barriers of much-deserved dreams.

"Whose bright idea is it to call someone at four in the morning…?" she asked rhetorically, lacking the irate enthusiasm such a comment would have been accompanied by had she not been so drained of energy, and picked up the receiver before the phone had yet another chance to ring.

"Hello…?" she grunted, unable to keep the irritated tone from seeping into her speech.

"Riza!" Said woman's eyes widened at the oh-too-familiar voice that spoke through the phone, but it wasn't the person calling that made her so surprised—heck, it was probably whom she'd been expecting mostly—no, it was the tone that they used. Their voice was clearly expression urgency…panic…_fear_…

"Colonel? What's the matter? Where are you?" she responded quickly, concern replacing irritation, and she forgot all about her lack of sleep.

"At home. Just…come quickly!" was the agitated response before a monotone beep substituted the man's terrified voice.

As soon as the phone cut off, Riza jumped out of her bed and quickly found and donned suitable clothing to go out in. She then set off, hand resting on the gun in her garter belt, eyes trained forwards and other senses acute, legs moving her promptly to her destination, and mind reeling. What had happening or was happening to Mustang to move him so? She knew that he wasn't exactly himself, as it were (he was more of a reprobate now), but even so, his voice over the phone had sounded so…genuine and earnest in motive. It was her duty to protect the man and she'd be damned if she stopped now.

When Hawkeye arrived at Mustang's home, she banged on his door and waited impatiently, her fear of being too late rising when there was no response from inside whatsoever. She tried the handle and found the door to be unlocked. Her right hand drawing her weapon from its holster, she clicked off the safety then surreptitiously entered. Both hands now rested on the gun, finger ready to squeeze the trigger instantly if need be so. She crept along slowly, the wooden floor beneath her creaking faintly with each step. All was silent; there was a sign of neither an assailant nor the superior officer who'd made the desperate call to her, beseeching that she hurry to his home. Perhaps she _was _too late, after all… No, she couldn't let her thoughts persuade her or make blind assumptions; she had to remain diligent…even if she wanted to go to sleep. But she knew that now was certainly not the time for that.

It was the fatigue that dulled her sense of focus, for the usual, well-rested, astute Riza Hawkeye would have noticed someone approaching from behind with their weapons at the ready. The usual, well-rested, astute Riza Hawkeye would have indeed noticed the presence of another before they had a chance to raise their weapons in preparation to strike. But unfortunately for Riza, she was currently not her usual self, not well rested, and not astute—or at least not as much so.

**BANG!**

Riza jumped around at the sudden noise, the barrel of her gun pointing towards the armed person and finger tightened around the trigger, ready to pull. It was only when she recognised the aggressor, even in the morning's dim lighting, that she lowered her weapon. "C-Colonel Mustang?!" Hawkeye exclaimed in surprise, and sure enough, the man was lying prostrate at her feet, a frying pan clenched in his hand by the handle.

"Woof! I'm a dog of the military!" was the mumbled proclamation in return, preceeded by a grunt which was a combination of pain and strangely pleasure.

"Sir, are you all right? Where's the attacker? Is he still here or has he fled?" Riza enquired as she helped the man up quickly and got a puzzled stare for her efforts.

"What attacker? There's an attacker around?!" Roy questioned flustered, a new wave of panic evoked in him once again. It was now Riza's turn to sport a perplexed expression.

"There was no attacker? Then why do you have that pan unless it's to defend yourself from someone?"

"It was to defend myself though; I heard someone banging loudly on the door but I didn't think it would be you!"

"You were the one who called me and asked me to come over as quickly as possible so you should have known it would be me! And you're the Flame Alchemist; why a frying pan instead of your gloves?"

"Because I was in the kitchen at the time getting a drink. I'd left the door open for you, but when I heard the banging, I thought it must have been someone else, so I grabbed the nearest thing I could find…but then my feet got stuck to the floor and I fell…" Mustang bemoaned.

"So there was no attacker… Then why did you call me so urgently?!"

"Because I had a nightmare!"

Riza paused in disbelief. All that fuss, all that commotion, all that worry…her rushing to his place instead of sleeping, her almost shooting him, all of that for…

"For…a bad dream…?" she drawled, trying desperately to make sense of it in her head, yet to no avail.

"Not just a bad dream, a _**nightmare**_," Roy corrected.

"So, then…it wasn't urgent at all… Then why did you hang up the phone so quickly…?"

"If I'm on the phone to you, you can't leave to come to mine, obviously," the man stated as if the answer was blatant.

"_I can't kill him… I can't shoot him…I can't slap him…I can't hurt him…"_ Riza chanted mentally and took deep breaths to calm herself down.

"Riza, I-," Mustang began, but the blonde swiftly cut him short with:

"Roy, I don't-," but she was cut off almost as swiftly.

"Woof! I'm a dog of the military!" he cried out, gaining a stern frown from Riza.

"Shush; you'll disturb the neighbours more than we already have," she chastised.

"I don't care; I want **everyone** to hear me declare my undying love for you, Riza Hawkeye!"

Aforesaid woman's eyes bulged momentarily before she remembered it was just one of the so-called 'symptoms' of the hypnosis. The initial look of shock was quickly replaced with a flat expression.

"Colonel…" she began but faltered when she noticed he was looking her up and down with a smirk on his face. That smirk that she hadn't seen on his face for so long; a semblance of the man he used to be returning.

"I'm leaving," Riza announced and watched as the smirk dropped off of his face, along with that love-sick expression that had started to overcome him, an upset and disappointed expression taking its place.

"Noooooooo!" he wailed and lunged at the woman, clinging tightly to her clothes. "Don't go! I'm scared!"

"It's best if I go, Sir; we both have work in the morning," she insisted and tugged away from him gently.

"Stay, Riza! Sleep with me!"

This request caused Riza to come to a halt once more and she almost lost her grip on coherent thought.

"What…did you just ask me to do?"

"Sleep with me, please! I won't be able to get to sleep on my own because I'm scared."

Oh. 'Sleep with him' as in share a bed…

"…Please, Riza…"

By now, the prospect of sleep to Riza was a welcomed one, so much so that she wouldn't even need to be cajoled into lying down and _finally_ getting some rest, plus she wasn't really looking forward to that long walk back to her own apartment. But even so, sharing a bed with her superior was something that would definitely be frowned upon by many if word were to get out.

"What if I slept on the sofa?" she negotiated, but her idea didn't seem to be good enough for Roy, for he promptly shook his head.

"No; I want you in the room with me, and it's too early in the morning for you to be awake!"

"_But you didn't seem to care about that when you called and woke me for something so trivial," _Riza retorted bitterly in her head, but in all truth, she was just too tired to argue with the man and finally agreed so long as it meant a good hour or two of sleep in a warm bed for her.

But despite agreeing with those conditions in mind, that wasn't exactly what it meant for her. Yes, she got to spend the remainder of the morning in a warm bed, but sleep she did not. No, she ended up spending the next hour and a half consoling her distressed superior as he relived the nightmare he'd had, not failing to go into excruciating detail regarding the monstrous paperwork bunny that chased after Roy and tried to kill him with deadly paper cuts, or lament over the fact that the cotton frog couldn't manage to free the uncle of the door handle… Riza didn't get it either, but she wasn't about to prolong the thirty-five minute period he'd spent blubbering about it. Instead, she offered him consoling phrases which she mumbled wearily, hoping to pacify the man. He finally went to sleep, a miracle in itself, but it was only then that Riza realised how the daylight had already began its descent upon the city. In fact, the idea of sleep with the day's steady approach was ridiculous by that time, and she instead opted to just get herself—and eventually the Colonel—ready.

Hawkeye cautiously got off of the bed, trying, hoping, begging, and _praying_ that she wouldn't wake her Colonel up. Getting him to go to sleep was something she'd already languished and didn't want to suffer through that again. But, much to her relief, the man remained asleep. Treading lightly, she made her way to the bathroom. After her long dash to Mustang's and the panic and confusion that ensued, a shower came second on the list of the things she wanted most, but she'd contentedly settle for that, especially if her desire of a nice rest wasn't going to be fulfilled any time soon.

Even with the lock on the door, she watched it intensely just in case her superior decided to break down the door and barge into the room in a hypnotically-induced infatuated state, or even bewailing of yet another horrendous nightmare he'd just had regarding yet another material amphibian and the family member of a random object. However, when she returned to the man after her shower and after getting dressed, he remained in the same unconscious state, but sprawled out on his back instead. A smile lit Riza's weary face as she inspected Roy's own visage.

She only started on a superficial level, admiring at first simply just how soft his skin looked and the gentle curvature of his face, but then moved onto the actual features. His fringe covered his eyes, almost acting as a dark curtain for the light that already poured into the room from the window. His nose pointed at just the perfect angle, as well as being just the perfect size. Just perfect. His mouth was hung open ever so slightly, one of the few times he ever had his mouth open when he wasn't talking. Whether it was scowling, mulling something over, smirking or whatever, the man tended to keep his lips pursed together in a tight line, she noticed. It was all of these features collated that gave the Colonel his young, boyish—and somewhat effeminate, she duly noted—looks.

Her thoughts were disturbed when the sleeping man grunted and shifted his position on the bed slightly, his head lolling and causing the fringe to unveil his eyes. Although even though that had fallen out of the way of his eyes, the midnight blue orbs she saw day-in and day-out still lay masked behind his eyelids. Those same eyes that she'd seen filled with such emotions at times and, at others, quite devoid of such a thing. Whether it was arrogance, anger, remorse, cunning, pensiveness, or so on, his eyes always contributed to the tenor of his mien. But now that they were closed, he seemed so…serene, so quiet, so calm. He wasn't trying to calculate the next move he made in achieving his goal, he wasn't reliving what he did in Ishbal, he wasn't grimacing and thinking up ways to avoid paperwork, he was just at peace. Yet, even considering this, none of these reasons were why she could have just spent the next few hours simply watching him sleep. The most blessed thing about the man being asleep was purely that he was quiet.

He was _**quiet**_.

He didn't speak, he didn't give her a headache, he didn't complain, he didn't moan, he didn't try and make a pass. He did _nothing_, and that was the beauty of him sleeping. It nearly made her weep that she would have to wake the man, but it was time for him to start getting ready.

Basking in the silence of the home one last time, Hawkeye neared her commanding officer and shook him gently by the shoulder.

"Sir, you need to wake up," she spoke gently, not wanting to startle him. Nevertheless, when he didn't even stir, it started seeming more likely that that was in fact what she would have to do.

"Sir, you need to wake up," she reiterated, her tone slightly harsher this time. Once again the man didn't even flinch.

"Roy Mustang!" she called, hoping that the response he always had to his name would cause him to shock himself awake, but her hopes were dashed when he merely muttered in his sleep, his words run together and not even loud enough to hear at most parts It had sounded more like he'd said "mud dog mini tree" to Riza, but that wasn't important. The important thing was that he was still asleep. She left the room to go and fetch her last resort, or at least her last resort before she'd have to start conjuring up more ideas. Clenched in her right hand, when she returned, was a wooden spoon, and in the left she held the pan that Mustang had intended to attack her with earlier. She stood right beside the bed and a small smirk crept onto her face as she raised the culinary instruments in the air. She hesitated slightly as she admired the silence one last time before swinging her arm and wincing at the loud **crashing** noise that was produced when the wood struck the metal. Hawkeye repeated the motion numerous times until the Colonel sat upright with his face screwed up in displeasure.

"Stop! Stop! Stop!" the man beseeched, his words being slotted in between the loudening groans he made. He brought his hands up to cover his ears, and the Lieutenant quickly obeyed his command.

"I'm sorry I had to resort to such means, Sir," she apologised with her usual professionalism, clearing her face of the smirk it held only moments ago. Roy brought his hands from his ears to rest on his lap as he sat up, and Riza placed the pot and spoon at the foot of the bed.

"It's time for you to get out of bed, Sir; otherwise we'll both be late for work."

"Or we could just not go to work," he replied, staring directly at her. Riza frowned. Had he seriously gotten so bad that not only was he now avoiding paperwork, but work entirely?

"Let's elope."

Ah, she should have been expecting something like that.

"Stop wasting time, Sir," she reprimanded and took up the pot and spoon again before walking to the door's threshold. "Go shower while I make breakfast," were here instructions before she closed the door behind her then went to the kitchen.

It was after twenty minutes that Mustang joined Hawkeye in the kitchen where a plate with two slices of toast and a fried egg awaited him. She was glad when she saw he was already wearing his uniform, having been worried that she'd have to force him to get dressed; a road she didn't want to have to go down. Roy looked from the plate, to Riza, then back to the plate.

"You actually made me breakfast…?" he asked her unbelievingly, his voice trembling slightly.

"Because I need you to hurry up," she sighed exasperatedly from where she leaned against the counter beside the sink. The woman then quaffed the rest of the coffee in the mug she was holding. A plate beside her, coated lightly in sporadically-placed crumbs, was the evidence showing that she'd already finished her own breakfast.

"You know," the dark-haired man began, looking up to Riza again, his voice sounding both touched and husky, "there's only one thing I love more than toast and eggs…"

"…Bacon? Alcohol? Stealing Havoc's girlfriends?"

"_You_."

Riza sighed again, this time even more wearily. "Sit down and eat your breakfast,_ please_, Sir," she importuned before placing her mug down heavily. Roy seemed as if he were going to reply to her but was cut off and instead made to groan when there was a boisterous rapping at his front door.

"I'll answer it," Riza offered when she saw him moving to go answer it. "You. Sit. Eat. Now." With that, she left to go and answer the door.

When she opened Mustang's front door, she was greeted with a surprised face—a large, surprised face which towered above her.

"Lieutenant Hawkeye! What are you doing here?"

The woman brought her hand up to her head in a salute. "Major Armstrong, I forgot about your arrangement to pick up the Colonel. I apologise," she replied then dropped her salute. "Colonel Mustang-." She paused briefly, hearing the man call his now-trademark response to his name from the kitchen where he ate, but quickly continued. "He called me earlier this morning due to having a bad dream, Sir. I've been consoling and caring for him since," all of which was to her chagrin. Riza didn't even have time to blink before she found Armstrong's arms around her, pulling her into a bone-crushing hug.

"Such devotion you show to the Colonel, Lieutenant! It truly is heart-warming!" he boomed as Riza tried to push herself away but only escaped when he decided to let go of her. She already had one overly-emotional man to deal with; she didn't need another!

"Major, actually there is a favour I need of you. I would be humbled if you could do it for me, and in turn I shall also escort the Colonel to Headquarters myself." She then proceeded to explain just what it was she Major to do for her, hand over her keys, and then sent him on his way.

"I'm ready," a voice purred from behind her, and when she turned to it, she was shocked to find her face only a mere foot away from the smirking Colonel's. "Although I've always found work to be overrated. I love you, Riza; tell me that you love me too!"

"I'm telling you that we need to go to work!" she rebuked, taking a large step back to create some sort of proximity between the two as her cheeks tinted red. Roy seemed to be trying to move towards her again, but his feet were firmly stuck to the ground with some sort of invisible glue. Another sigh escaped Riza's lips and she shook her head.

…This was going to be a long walk…and an even longer day.

* * *

**I'm sorry it's taken me so long to finish this! And this was only meant to be an introduction as well, but I allowed my mind to wander, and one thing led to another, and it turned into a chapter in itself. Roy seems to have almost as crackish an imagination as I do! I feel bad for Riza too; it's like I'm torturing her for no reason… **

**As for when the next instalment will be…I have no idea. I'm getting into the most busy of my school years now (so far, at least), so if I'm good, I should be doing little other than revising. I tend to put however much progress I've made with my stories on my profile (if I've made any progress at all), so that's probably the best place to check if you want some idea…**

**Thank you to my uke for proof reading for me (you know who you are! ;D ) and thank you for reading!**


	10. Saturday: What Goes Around

**I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist.**  


* * *

All heads turned to the door of Colonel Mustang's office as said man and his female subordinate entered the room, guffawing and joking like the best of friends, amazing Roy's subordinates and the Elrics who were already in the room. Riza's arm was around her superior's shoulders and a grin was plastered across her face equally as much as it was the darker-haired man.

"Ah, Colonel, your stories are truly hilarious," Riza complimented as she slipped her arm from around his torso. "Unfortunately, I need to go and change into uniform; there's one in my locker," she announced and smiled kindly with a slight giggle. The smile was reciprocated by Roy as she went away.

Everyone else wore a stunned look.

Nothing was said for a few minutes as Roy went to his desk merrily and sat down before drumming his pen on the desk, and everyone went back to working.

"I always used to think she was an unsmiling killjoy, but she's really fun and nice," Roy finally commented and beamed.

"Careful, chief; you don't want her hearing that," Havoc cautioned with a nervous chuckle at the off chance that the comment had been heard by the blonde woman of which he spoke.

"But she is really nice and friendly! Plus, she thinks I'm funny. I'd like to think we've built an even stronger rapport between us. She genuinely likes my company. She listens to what I have to say, she admired my sociability and interaction with citizens, she even had her arm around me. I truly hope I hope I'm not jumping the gun here, but I think yet another woman has succumbed to the great Mustang—Woof! I'm a dog of the Military!—charm." The beam was replaced with the Mustang trademark smirk and eyes rolled before returning back to whatever work each was doing. They all knew Hawkeye well enough to know that she wouldn't just fall to the man's feet like that. She was composed, calm, professional…

"Plus, she made me breakfast and slept with me."

The comment had been so offhand that no one was even certain that it had been said. But jaws still dropped wide open of the three oldest men, Falman, Breda and Havoc; cheeks tinted for the next two youngest, Fuery and Ed, and the youngest of all's armour merely rustled as he cringed. All of their eyes widened though, regardless of age.

How long the silence lasted for, only Roy could have told, for the shock seemed to temporarily freeze their brains. And before anyone got the chance to importune, the door opened and Hawkeye entered, dressed in a crisp and clean blue uniform.

Mustang stood as she entered and walked towards the doorway. "I'm just going to go to the bathroom," he then informed Riza before leaving the room. A heavy sigh escaped the woman before she looked up and noticed all of the flabbergasted expressions on the faces of the others. A questioning look was thrown in their direction, but no one took up the offer and instead returned to their activities, too afraid to enquire about the newly received information. Or not initially, at least, as curiosity eventually got the better of a certain blonde-haired smoker.

"So… How is it going with the Colonel?" Havoc queried as he gnawed madly at the cigarette balancing between his teeth. An overwhelming sense of trepidation came over him, fearing for his life just in case Hawkeye caught on to exactly what he was implying by his question. He was fearful of the dark expression that clouded over her face; he feared how her reddened eyes narrowed into dangerous slits as she looked back at him, and, by now, just as everyone else in the room, feared that a certain man named Jean Havoc was going to be erased from existence entirely.

"It's going **horrendously**," Riza returned, stressing the word so much that it sounded as if she was about to burst into tears. "Please, if there's a plan B, can we switch to it?" She staggered over to her desk wearily and sat down.

"I'm so tired. I'm tired because I haven't had any sleep and I'm tired of the Colonel. I'm tired of the absolutely ludicrous fables he tells me about himself. I'm tired of having to laugh at them even though they're not funny in the slightest. I'm tired of being around him and having to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. I'm tired of having to pretend to listen to him. I'm tired of the amount of times he flirted with every single woman that we passed on the way here, and I don't even think that's because of the hypnosis! Regardless, even the normal Colonel wasn't this bad." Her forehead met the desk with a hard thud and her arms came around her head, blocking out as much light as she could get them to. "I just want to go to sleep. I don't want any disturbances. If even one minute annoyance disturbs me…"

"I'm back," Mustang announced from the doorway before striding proudly into the room. A faint groan came from the exhausted woman but her head didn't lift.

"And Major Armstrong came too."

Now the groan of disappointment came from all of those in the room as the large man came into view, a large stack of papers cradled in his arms.

"Lieutenant Hawkeye, I brought you the papers, as you requested," Armstrong boomed. The woman had no choice but to sit up and salute the muscular man.

"Thank you, sir," she droned as the papers were set down on her desk and her keys on top.

"Riza," Roy called and smiled at the woman.

"What?" came the sharp reply as tired eyes looked to the dark-haired man, but his smile didn't falter.

"I was going to get some coffee," he continued obliviously, "do you want one, too?"

Normally, Hawkeye would have been touched by this gesture, however after not having slept in the last how many days and the last few hours she'd had to spend with her superior, her resentment for him soared over any other emotions she could possibly feel right now.

"No, _thank you_; I just want to go to sleep," she responded, forcing herself as best as possible to remain pleasant, albeit it was indeed becoming a tremendous task.

Roy scoffed. "Work isn't a place for sleeping, Lieutenant," he reprimanded.

Everyone watched the scene before them, completely astounded. Hawkeye's jaw clenched perceptibly, as did her fists. Her chest rose and fell at a quickening pace. She was a bull and Roy was a piece of red cloth flailing innocently in the wind.

Where the hypocritical man once stood, Riza only saw a flashing red target.

Riza got out of her seat.

Riza started a slow approach to Roy.

Fortunately, a firm hand on her shoulder held her back; a hand that belonged to the Second Lieutenant that had previously asked about the current relationship between his two superiors. "He's just joking, right, Colonel?" Havoc assured and looked to said superior, nodding subtly.

"Well, actually—," he began, but the smoker cut him off once again.

"Yes, you were," Havoc insisted.

Roy nodded with understanding. "Yes, I was…"

"Precisely, so you, Lieutenant, should go back to your desk and rest, okay? I'll go with the Colonel to get some coffee."

It took Hawkeye a few seconds to get herself calm once again before nodding her head and returning to her seat and assuming a restful position. She would end up killing someone if she didn't get some sleep. She really would.

"Shall we, Sir?" Havoc asked and started towards the door, thankful he'd managed to prevent such a disastrous situation from arising. Both he and Mustang left the room, leaving the others in the room with the clearly volatile woman.

"Remind me never to cross the Lieutenant," Ed whispered quietly to Al, who merely nodded in agreement. The wrath of the Lieutenant, Ed had discovered, was something he wouldn't wish upon anyone. Not even Mustang.

* * *

The two brothers had seized the next ample opportunity to escape the room and fled to the library. While it had become Ed's obligation to stay and see that no disaster came from the situation he had created, it was not to say that he and his brother couldn't at least do some research. They hid away in the library for a few hours until it was lunch time. Had Al kept a closer eye on the clock, he would have gone slightly earlier to the canteen to get his brother some food, but it seemed that now he would just have to work his way through the masses of people that tended to gather when lunch began. It wasn't that he couldn't easily get through a crowd with his size; it was just that sometimes he ended up accidentally barging into people while trying to weave among the soldiers. So, he left his brother, who had his head stuck in a book, as to quickly get him some food and then return.

Al was a good boy, a boy who respected others a heck-of-a-lot more than his older brother. However, it was near impossible not eavesdrop in on the conversations that some were having within the canteen with everyone so closely huddled together, but perhaps it was fortunate. He was merely minding his own business and waiting in the queue when he heard the conversation of two women behind him.

"Hey, did you hear about Colonel Mustang and that blonde subordinate of his? Y'know, the really, _really_ short one?"

"You mean about the transmutation? Yeah, I heard that! I thought it was pretty gutsy of him to admit it, if it's true."

"It is true! John told me and he said he heard it straight from the horse's mouth!"

It was at this point that the suit of armour turned around to them.

"Excuse me," the polite voice rang out, "but I was wondering what it is that you've heard about my broth—that short alchemist."

The two women looked up at the towering suit of armour who had requested to hear what they were talking about and leaned in closely.

"You know the one we're talking about? Well I heard that Colonel Mustang performed a transmutation on him that was supposed to make him taller, but made him even shorter instead, which is why he's as short as he is now!"

"Is that so…?" Al returned slowly. "Wow...Please excuse me," he said quickly then hurried off back to the library, forgetting all about retrieving lunch for his brother.

* * *

Meanwhile, Edward had finished reading the section he'd been interested in one of the books and left the desk at which he read to go and find another that might help. He went to a bookshelf near to where he'd been sitting and put the book he'd just read back then scanned the shelf for another. However, he too couldn't help but overhear a nearby conversation; a conversation which was being held just on the other side of the bookshelf.

"Oh my gosh! You'll never guess what Gina just told me," a female voice whispered excitedly.

"What, what?!" another voice came, her own excitement piqued by the news she was about to receive.

"Well, you know Colonel Mustang?"

"God, what woman doesn't?"

The two took a moment for a quick overly-zealous giggle before the first of them who had spoken started again.

"Well, Gina told me that Brenda told her this."

"Told you what? Told you what?!"

"Gina said that Brenda says that Mustang told someone, who told Francis, who thought she'd told Jason's sister but it turned out not to be Jason's sister but that girl who looks like her, who told Gemma…"

"Uh huh."

"Who told Daisy, who told someone, who told someone else, who told David's superior, who was overheard on the phone by Rosie, who told the girl who is her sister's friend's mother's brother's daughter; you know the one in Accountancy?"

"Yeah…"

"Who told someone else, who told either Hannah or Kerry, who told someone, who told Marie, who told someone's ex—maybe Mark's; I don't know,—who told Sue, who told Brenda, who told Gina, who told me that…"

"Yeah…" The anticipation in the woman's voice was high, made apparent by the shrill pitch she encouraged her friend in. Ed just wondered how she'd managed to keep up…

"That…Colonel Mustang…"

"Yeah…!"

"Has…"

"Uh huh…!"

"…A _huge_..."

"Ahhh!" Ed contributed to the conversation and covered his ears as he ran away from the shelf and out of the library, gaining many shushes from his cry.

"What the hell was that about?!" he found himself questioning with ragged breaths from having dashed away with such haste from the conversation. Though from what he assumed, he _really _didn't want to know.

"Brother!" Ed heard called from where he stood in the corridor and turned his head to see his silver sibling heading towards him.

"Al! Ugh, you do notwant to know what I just heard about the Colonel," the blonde began, but Alphonse interjected.

"You've heard something about the Colonel too?!"

"Yeah! Is it what you've heard?"

Edward shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know…What did you hear?"

"Apparently the Colonel is telling people that he once performed a transmutation on you and it's the reason for your…_lack of stature_." Al tried to masterfully manipulate the delicate phrase, hoping that his brother would not overreact. He thought it had actually worked for a second, as Edward made no movement. But then his expression darkened somewhat. His eyes narrowed. His fists clenched. His brow furrowed. It was clear that it was too late to try and remedy what Al had just told Ed.

"He said **what?!**" the small State Alchemist shrieked before storming off in the direction of Mustang's office, rendering Al's attempts to pacify him futile.

* * *

Inside Mustang's office, things were finally going well. Hawkeye had gone to the recreation room to rest, not being able to stand even staying in the same room as her superior when she was so angry with him. The rest of Mustang's subordinates were working hard on completing the increased load of documentation, what with having to do some of Mustang's own work. The Flame Alchemist himself, who had pledged to help out after stating that that 'the amount of work being given to them was inconceivable' without even realising it was their fault they were doing so much in the first place, was idly doodling in the corner of one of the papers from the small stack he'd been allowed to keep. Yes, all was going fairly well, until…

"Where is he?!" Edward yelled as he flung the door open, surprising all inside of the room.

"Ed, calm down! It's only a rumour!"

"Yeah, a rumour he spread about me!" the golden-eyed boy returned and would have marched up to Roy's desk had he not been lifted clear off of the ground by his younger brother who had become tired of his brother's antics. But Ed wasn't the blonde that Roy should have feared at that moment in time.

"Colonel Roy Mustang, just what kind of falsehoods have you been spreading?!" Lieutenant Hawkeye reappeared, obviously ferocious with the dark-haired man whom she served under.

"Woof! I'm a dog of the Military!" announced Roy, but he knew that he shouldn't be so jovial about it. It wasn't like he could help it. Had it not been for the hypnotism, he would have whimpered obediently, received the telling-off for whatever he'd done wrong without complaint and embraced the angry bullets in his body that were sure to be fired in his direction.

No one dared say anything; no one even dared to move. It was obvious that Riza Hawkeye was on a warpath, and suddenly it had become every man for themselves, meaning that all of Roy's loyal subordinates abandoned him in the true face of danger. And dangerous this woman was.

"Even when I go into a completely different room from you, you still manage to cause me some sort of grief! Why is that? Why is it that while I was trying to get some sleep after you kept me up for two nights by giving me all of your paperwork, you then call me over in the middle of the second of those nights _just _when I was about to get some much-needed sleep? Why is it that when I finally get a chance to rest in the recreation room that I hear that you've been spreading rumours? And do you want to know what rumour is being spread? Though I'm sure you know already, what with you reportedly having started it, which I don't doubt. They're saying that you, Colonel, have a huge cock-fighting pit in your house. In other words, there is a rumour going around saying that a high-ranking military officer is partaking in and hosting illegal activities within his own home. But I know that that isn't true, because I was at your house and saw nothing of the sort! Oh, and to make matters worse, you're claiming to have slept with me!"

The blonde's speech was nothing short of a tirade, and the general consensus was that she'd only stopped because she'd run out of breath. However, for all of the officers ranked below the First Lieutenant, they finally realised that if she was responding to the news of herself and Mustang having a relationship so badly, then what the former of those two said earlier must have been just another attempted spread of a rumour.

Hawkeye continued after another breath. "But not just me; me and the rest of your staff!"

That addition of news certainly came as a surprise for the rest of the people in the room—their superior sure was trying to dig a grave for himself, wasn't he? But even now, Hawkeye didn't tire in her rant.

"In all of the years I've worked for you, **never **have I found you to be so incompetent, so lazy, so lacklustre, so annoying, so troublesome, so blatantly brazen, or so unmanageable! You weren't even this infuriating when I would have to continuously tell you to do your work and you would only reply and say something like, 'Work energy is measured in joules, not in paperwork, Lieutenant,' in a smug, snarky, waggish way. I know you're hypnotised, but I still just wish you'd learn to be less of a pest!"

By the time Riza had finished ranting, she was just as shocked with herself as the others appeared to be. She hadn't meant to be so harsh, but once she'd started, the ball had just continued rolling. It had felt good to get it all off of her chest, but now the irritation of everything that had previously afflicted her was only replaced with crushing guilt. The words had flown from her mouth of their own accordance; she'd merely spoken before she'd thought, but now she regretted everything she had said.

Roy's wide eyes filled and his mouth hung open as he looked at her, and for the first time that week, the tears began to roll down his cheek before he even got a chance to make it to the bathroom. "I…I can't help it…I'm really sorry…I wasn't trying to be a pest…," he apologised quietly, struggling to force the words out of his tightening throat, unlike Riza where the words had spilled out with almost practised ease. It was then in one swift fluid-like movement that he did stand, push his chair out from tucked under the desk then hurried out of the room.

"Chief!" Havoc called after the fleeing man, however Mustang didn't stop. "Damn it," the blonde exhaled heavily then glanced over to Riza. The look that the smoker gave her, albeit brief, wasn't shy of conveying any and all disappointment in the woman that he felt for her to attack their superior so, especially when he was so emotionally vulnerable and confused. Then, without another word, he followed after Mustang hurriedly.

The rest of the males in the room went about their business again, either getting back to work, or, in the Elric's case, leaving the room entirely, hoping not to catch the Lieutenant's eye lest they be forever cast in stone. Riza sighed heavily and went to sit down at her desk, but a rapping at the door halted her. Without even waiting for an invitation to enter, the door opened again and a smirking General Hakuro entered the room. All adopted a professional manner and stood to attention, following which the General motioned for them to lower their hands, his malevolent smirk still present.

"General Hakuro, sir; to what do we owe this honour?" Hawkeye questioned.

"I'm here to deliver this," he explained as he flourished a formal letter that was addressed to a Colonel Roy Mustang. "Don't tell me he's slacking off. He seemed to neglect his duties on Wednesday also, if I recall correctly. If he has time to be out of office, perhaps he isn't receiving enough work?"

Riza's eyes narrowed imperceptibly as the man came further into the room. "I believe that the Colonel has gone to use the bathroom," she enlightened, not caring for how he spoke of her superior regardless of what she'd just said directly to the Colonel.

"Tch, is that so? Anyway, I only came by to deliver this. See to it that he reads it as soon as he returns," the man ordered and left the room without even looking back at the other soldiers as they saluted him once again.

Once Hakuro had left and closed the door after himself, all attention turned to the letter that sat upon Mustang's desk.

"…What do you suppose it's about?" Fuery questioned meekly from where he was seated, wondering whether it was okay to speak when Riza had just been so harsh to Mustang.

Hawkeye sighed. "I don't know…But with how the General was smirking just, it can't be good…"

* * *

**First of all, I'm sorry about the wait! It's been really hectic in terms of school work and exams. Unfortunately, until it all passes, it may be another few months until I get to doing a next chapter. I won't abandon this though; mark my words!**

**Second of all, terribly sorry for the pun earlier: 'straight from the horse's mouth'. Mustang. Horse. Get it? Yeah, sorry about that. **

**Thank you very much for reading.**


	11. Saturday: Toilet Troubles Once Again

**I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist.  
**

* * *

With Roy having fled to the bathrooms on yet another tearful rampage, the ever-loyal Second Lieutenant Havoc was but a few seconds behind. He grimaced as he stood before the bathroom door, the familiarity of the situation most definitely unwelcome. He pushed it open and was thankful to see that it was devoid of any people, but to prevent anyone else entering in the time he was consoling Roy, he hefted the heavy metal bin over to the door from the corner in which it usually sat.

"Roy, it's just me," Havoc said and only realised when Mustang made his response.

"Woof! I'm a dog of the military!" His words sounded strained, voiced through a throat which had felt as if it had tightened enough to cause asphyxiation.

"Sorry, sir…Are you all right?"

A sniffled sounded from the closed cubical which he approached. "…She was so mean to me…and I thought we were getting along really well. It really hurt my feelings. But I can't seem to help the things I do…I just wish that she knew that too…I didn't want to make her angry because she was starting to become a really close person to me. Looks like I've screwed that up."

"Ahh, c'mon, chief; you know that's not true. Nothing's been screwed up. She was just tired and got a bit too angry, that's all," the blonde excused but panicked when he heard someone banging on the door. Roy merely moaned.

"Hey, is this place open?" came a voice from the other side of the blockaded door, but Havoc made no response, not being able to come up with a competent explanation as to why he had locked the bathroom door with just himself and his superior inside that wouldn't sound even remotely suspicious.

"But forget about all that, Jean."

The smoker looked back to Mustang and frowned. "Huh?"

"Hey! I hear voices in there! Open the door!"

"A-ahh, we're busy! Just…We won't be long, okay?"

"Jean, I love you."

Silence. No noise from Roy, as he waited for a reaction of some sort, no word from Havoc, too concerned about the people outside hearing and what Roy might do to him, and no word from anyone outside, though whether they were still there or had left was unbeknownst to Jean. Then the lock slipped out of place on the stall's door and it swung open to reveal the same puffy-eyed Roy Jean had seen the other day, although he was now staring at his subordinate with a rather intense, loving gaze.

"I love you, Jean," he reiterated louder, to which aforesaid man promptly shushed his superior. "No! I want everyone to know it! I'm not ashamed!"

It was much to Jean's chagrin when his superior leapt and tackled him to the ground just at the same time that two men burst open the door. Nor did it help when the loud bang from the door made Roy moan loudly. Pinned down by his dishevelled moaning superior. It probably didn't look too good from another perspective. All four men sported expressions akin to a deer caught in headlights. None moved for what seemed an eternity. The two men still standing then turned and promptly left. Havoc felt the desperate need to cry. And the desperate need for a cigarette.

"Sir, please get up," he sighed, and Roy obeyed rather easily.

"I apologise…but at least now others know just how strongly I feel for you."

"Whatever you say, sir," the man then dismissed, knowing all would go back to normal—well, normal as possible while Roy was still hypnotised—when they got in the presence of other people. He really needed that cigarette. "Let's get you back to the office."

Jean managed to get Roy back to the office after setting the bin he had moved in the bathroom back in its original spot.

"Please try not to upset him again," heaved the blonde, too despondent to even care about the possible repercussions of what he'd said to the woman who had been so irate prior to the leaving of his room, however Hawkeye didn't pay the comment any heed as she pushed the envelope on Mustang's desk to its now-seated owner.

"Please have a look at that, sir," she said, concern evident enough in her tone to warrant Havoc's attention.

"…A letter of invitation?" he noted as the dark-haired colonel opened the letter. The sound of paper rustling and that alone ensued as all the colonel's subordinates waited patiently for the ranking officer to explain the letter to them.

"An invitation…to speak to the brass. Or rather, they want to speak to me. Tomorrow. Eleven-hundred hours sharp."

A letter to appear before the brass was reason enough to fill a soldier with dismay at the best of times, but all in the room were familiar enough with the conditions of Roy's 'situation' to know that a bigger problem stood in the way.

"But, sir, you can't go in front of the brass!" the one bespectacled man expressed.

"…I don't have a choice."

All the minds in the room were desperately attempting to puzzle out a way to avoid the situation and potential catastrophe which would come of having Mustang in a room with near a dozen superior officers. It wasn't as if rescheduling was an option either: if the brass want to speak to you then come rain, snow or volcanic eruption (not that there was a volcano anywhere in the vicinity), they would speak to you.

And what was it they wanted to speak to him about anyway? Was it what happened Wednesday at the competition? Was it the rumours which were wildly flying about? Regardless of what it was, it wouldn't bode well for Mustang to spend the duration of the meeting solely grunting at the ranking men.

One by one the soldiers peeled away from their thoughts and resorted to other tasks, other tasks being work for all except Hawkeye and Mustang, the former going to the nap room to try and finally get some rest and the latter content with just frowning at the letter.

Thankfully, the end of the day came upon them without further incident and the weary soldiers all retired to their homes, with the exception of the weary woman who continued to sleep in the nap room. Mustang was assisted in getting home by Major Armstrong and once the burly man had left he got himself into bed, but he couldn't prevent his mind from fearing just what trials he would be facing come morning.

* * *

**Okay, first of all, I apologise gravely for the delay. I had most of this chapter typed up months ago, also, I just hadn't got around to finishing it off. I'm much more a fan of writing oneshots than chapter fics, but I still feel as if I'm obliged to continue this fiction, so that is what I intend to do. Apologies for it being so short and anti-climactic also, but there wasn't really more I had intended to say about this day, and even a majority of the plan I moved about and such for later intentions and this was just to conclude the day. I also lament that the chapter title just make it sound like I'm referring to constipation.  
**

**Regardless, thank you for reading!  
**


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